From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Three Days
Funny how the traditional media seems to have imposed a virtual blackout on our side's One Nation March, versus the Beck rally that enjoyed wall-to-wall tongue-wagging. I guess it just reinforces the old journalism adage, "If it speaks in indecipherable screeds, it leads." Anyway, ours is coming up soon and it's gonna rock:
On Saturday, October 2, 2010, hundreds of thousands of Americans from across the country will gather at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. to demonstrate our re-commitment to change.
The One Nation March will feature human rights and civil rights leaders, labor leaders, environmental and peace activists, faith leaders, celebrities and sports figures---all marching together to help put America back to work and to pull america back together. And to help reorder our national priorities so that investments in people come first.
FAQs and basic info here.
Find and organize travel here. (Looking at the map, apparently all the cars going to the event are orange. As it should be.)
Sponsor someone to go.
Weather forecast for Saturday: Sunny and 69, baby!
I won’t make it to D.C. this time. But I've gone to a few of these events before and this morning I offer a few tips free of charge:
>> To avoid dehydration, drink lots of fluids!
>> To avoid standing in the Port-O-Potty line for hours, don’t drink lots of fluids!
>> Make sure your stilettos have extra arch support.
>> Repeat after me: The Washington Monument is not a rock-climbing gym... The Washington Monument is not a rock-climbing gym...
>> No Hitler mustaches unless they're on your dog. Oh, and your dog's name is Hitler.
>> If you see a flock of geese flying low in a vee formation, it's not God's cockamamie miracle flyover---it’s just a bunch of geese flying back home after a bombing run on Jim DeMint's Cadillac.
>> To get closer to the stage, push through the crowd using your parasol as a crowbar.
>> Remember your chants:
- "Whadda we want?" [Insert intended outcome here.] "Whenna we wannit?" [Insert desired time frame here, taking into account transportation time, cost/benefit analysis, fundraising, lobbying, policy meetings, field polling, GOP obstruction, staffer vacations and...aw, fuck it. Just yell "NOW!!!!!"]
- "Hey hey! Ho ho! [insert undesirable policy, politician, pundit, or drug-resistant bacteria here] has got to go!" [Repeat until you realize that everyone but you has stopped chanting it.]
>> Stay focused and on-message: during the rally the only thing you're allowed to talk about is the economy and jobs. And gay rights. And women's rights, immigrant rights, the midterm elections, homelessness, hunger, unions, health care, Republican wankery, the environment, freeing Tibet, leaving Iraq and Afghanistan, saving NASA, supporting Israel and/or Palestine, dismantling the filibuster, and finding Waldo.
Oh, and if you could look around for the winter glove Dick Cheney dropped during Obama's inauguration, he'd appreciate it. It's made of titanium, has a Wonder Woman decal on it, and it's gripping a club with a nail through it. Thanks and we hope you have fun!
Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Note: Newsrooms across America report a shortage of films at 11. Film at 11.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next new episode of South Park: 7
Days `til the Damariscotta Pumpkinfest: 4
Number of people imprisoned in the U.S. per year on marijuana charges: 225,000
Estimated annual sales from marijuana production in California: $14 billion
(Source: L.A. Times)
Default rate that credit-rating agencies expect U.S. corporate debt to fall to this year: 3% or less
Default rate in November, 2008: 14.8%
(Source: The Wall Street Journal via The Week)
Number of vinyl record albums sold in, respectively, 2006 and 2009: 858,000 / 2,500,000
(Source: Balloon Juice)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 171 (including 4 gogs and the late Alec Guiness as Creepy Jesus). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Haven't you heard, USA Today? According to Nevada senate candidate Sharon Angle, it's not autism...it's "autism."
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CHEERS to agreeing to...agree??? Coinciding with the news that the yawning chasm between the rich and the poor is chasming even yawnier comes this tidbit that suggests virtually everyone is unhappy with that fact:
According to research (pdf) carried out by Michael I. Norton of Harvard Business School and Dan Ariely of Duke University, and flagged by Paul Kedrosky at the Infectious Greed blog, 92 percent of Americans would choose to live in a society with far less income disparity than the US, choosing Sweden’s model over that of the US.
What’s more, the study’s authors say that this applies to people of all income levels and all political leanings: The poor and the rich, Democrats and Republicans are all equally likely to choose the Swedish model.
With one small caveat: we want Yosemite Sam mudflaps on our Volvos, please. And also free Volvos.
CHEERS to the comeback kid. Jimmy Carter, racing around the country on a book tour that would exhaust someone a third his age, got sick to his stomach on a plane ride to Cleveland and was checked in to a hospital overnight. He had to wait in line, get his body scanned, sit in an uncomfortable seat, listen to cheesy Muzak, eat lousy food, breathe stale air, and pretend to be interested in the endless babbling of the guy next to him. Nice to see that his normal routine wasn't disrupted.
JEERS to giving up security for no more freedom but, hey, what can ya do? Big Brother The federal government will soon be tracking your every key stroke. Because, really, why should private search engines and marketing companies be the only ones who archive records of your online activities? Says Think Progress:
Federal law enforcement and national security officials say their ability to wiretap is "going dark" as people increasingly communicate online, and will ask Congress to require that all services or devices that enable communication be able to comply with wiretap orders.
I knew this would happen if we all kept hacking into government employees' computers and downloading the porn they watch all day. But does anyone listen to me? Nooooo...
CHEERS to the great troublemakers. Lech Walesa, electrician, founder of the anti-Communist Solidarity Union, President of Poland, and Nobel Peace Prize winner turns 67 today. My memory of his most rebellious time---the late 70s and early 80s---is kinda grainy, but I do remember how I felt back then, living in Germany as I was and occasionally visiting East Berlin---aka Bleakistan---as part of a school or family trip, and feeling the oppressiveness of the Soviet influence over everything. So when I saw what Walesa (whom I swear was Nintendo's inspiration for Mario) was doing, I felt like, Wow, that is one gutsy mutherfucker. Whenever I hear his name, that's what I think. In his honor, today: no light bulb-changing jokes.
CHEERS to the latest ninny to join the freak show. Allen West, a teabagger running for congress in Florida's 22nd District, stood up in front of an audience and claimed that he's got a higher security clearance than the President of the United States. Wow---I gotta say, these 2010 Republican candidates are total whack jobs. Christine O'Donnell doesn’t believe in evolution. Rand Paul thinks parts of the Civil Rights Act are unconstitutional. Sharon Angle thinks people with autism are fakers. And this guy Allen West may be the craziest of the bunch. He thinks he's Oprah.
JEERS to Black Monday. "Those who forget the past are condemned to repeat it." Ah, the wise words of Alice on The Brady Bunch....or maybe it was Plato. Anyway, C&J vowed two years ago that we would never forget what happened that day. Here's our first post-meltdown posting:
HOLY SHIT! to September 29, 2008. I always thought when something stopped at "777" it meant we won something. Yesterday it meant America lost a tidy $1.1 trillion in market value in seven hours. So what to do? For me, it's baby steps. Really, really easy stuff I can do without thinking: 1) Feed cat. 2) Put on socks. 3) Remove cat food from feet. 4) Remove sock from cat's head. Okay, so maybe I'll just sit quietly and grind my teeth for awhile.
I remember feeling actual terror that day and several days after. al Qaeda had nothing to do with it. This time it was Goldman Sachs, AIG, Moody's, etc. and their toxic assets of mass destruction. I fear them a thousand times more than I ever feared the cave dwellers. Because George W. Bush was right about one thing: oceans can't protect us. From our greedy, greedy selves.
AWWWW... to keeping it all in the family. This is so...[sniff!]...touching. Kim Jong Il just promoted his kid, Kim Jong Baby Boo Boo, to general and second-in-command of the Glorious Citizen Squashing Commission. He'll receive a fourth star and a brand-new pair of oversized women's sunglasses.
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Five years ago in C&J: September 29, 2005
JEERS to The Nazi reference of the week (via Atrios). Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee has a special message for his young daughter: Democrats = the Nazis who exterminated millions of Jews during World War II. Naturally our side took what he said out of context. What he meant was, Democrats = the Nazis who exterminated the Jews during World War II. Big difference. [UPDATE: He liked the story so much that he told it again in 2008. Thankfully he'll never tell it from the Oval Office.]
CHEERS to stuff that happens when Bush isn't involved. After 30 years of conflict, the Irish Republican Army has junked its weapons arsenal. Says senior Sinn Fein member Martin---what else---McGuinness, "I believe that Ireland stands on the cusp of a truly historic advance, and I hope that people across the island will respond positively in the time ahead." I'll raise a pint to that.
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And just one more...
JEERS to the gathering horde. First it was an invasion of bedbugs that made peoples' lives a living hell. Now---presumably because of gays, feminists and pagans---God is unleashing a herd pack pod biblical shitload of new pests on the East Coast: pesticide-resistant stink bugs. They don’t bite or sting, but they do emit a foul odor when they get scared. The Blue Dogs of the insect world. Guess who I'd rather have a beer with?
Have a nice Wednesday. Stay classy. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
I liked Gordon Gekko better before he turned into Bill in Portland Maine.
---Mark Beech
9/25/10
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