(Courtesy of Pravduh news service)
In a last-minute shocker, Ned Lamont conceded in the Connecticut U.S. Senate Democratic primary, admitting tearfully that he is the enemy of all decent people and that he is just a front for terrorist group Hezbollah. The liberal billionaire then detonated in a spectacular, but colorful, suicide explosion.
Opponent Joe Lieberman declared, "Yeah, I suspected all along!" and danced a merry Irish jig as he prepared for a 12th term in the U.S. Senate.
Lefty blogger Fire Koss Lake was said to have fallen into a deep depression and a tubful of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Lake was heard to sob, in between high-calorie bites, "We crazy tree huggers will never win nuthin after all !!!!!!!"