Splotchy mold resembles Connecticut Senator, baffles local family
Nashua, NH -- Political journalists and candidates alike flocked to the home of local businessman Steve Morton Tuesday, in response to rumors that an image of Democratic presidential contender Joe Lieberman had appeared on the family refrigerator.
"We'd been talking about the primary this past weekend, like most of our neighbors," said Morton, "though nobody had really settled on a candidate. This looks like a sign, but I'll be damned if I know what it means."
Morton's wife, Betty, and their three children were surprised by the attention, but admitted that several of the candidates had visited their house late last autumn. "We had Howard Dean and Dick Gephardt on consecutive days, and then someone from Carol Moseley-Braun's staff stopped to ask for directions, and the next thing you know, she's sitting in our living room having tea with us. But we hadn't seen Joe Lieberman until our oldest, Tommy, noticed an eerie resemblance in the mold on the side of the refrigerator at dinner Sunday night. I wanted him to clean it off right away, but the kids thought it might be something important."
The splotchy mold ("maybe it's just dirt," said Betty Morton, in a sentiment echoed by the Lieberman campaign) formed a rough but unmistakeable silhouette. Sources said it was unclear whether the stained fridge was a result of a grape jelly-fueled foodfight, or an art project gone horribly awry.
The image of the Connecticut centrist couldn't come at a better time, said Roll Call political analyst Charlie Cook. "Lieberman needs to reclaim the media spotlight with a positive message after his attacks on Dean and Clark - and this certainly is original."
Lieberman's appearance drew attacks from at least one other contender. Massachusetts Senator John Kerry complained that Lieberman was "somehow cheating" by being in two places at once. "I've got a helicopter," said Kerry, "and I still can't get into people's houses that smoothly. If he starts doing this regularly, I'll be talking to the FEC."
But other journalists expressed doubt that press coverage of Lieberman's image would do much for his flagging campaign. "He's still stuck at what, nine percent? Ten, maybe eleven if a lot of Republicans turn out. Maybe that's good enough to beat Clark or Edwards, but not both, and this is for a guy who skipped Iowa to focus on New Hampshire," said Washington Post columnist David Broder.
Betty Morton admitted that she had asked her husband about the mold earlier in the weekend, even asking him on Saturday to "see about cleaning it up this weekend," but sources say Morton was distracted by other household chores and the UNH-UMass hockey game.
Morton defended his inaction: "Hey, there was a sixty percent chance of sleet and the eaves would've overflowed. Plus, the kids are supposed to keep the kitchen clean, and if there's gunk on the side of the fridge, they've got to learn to take care of that. Actions have consequences, and so do inactions. I hope they've learned their lesson."
Tommy Morton's agent said he could not be reached for comment, but that he was weighing offers for a book deal.