The President landed in Alabama an hour ago and put on a "show" -- a bogus public briefing full of facts and numbers and glad-handing and back-slapping.
But what was really going through the President's mind as he "listened" (cough, cough) to these reports?
Find out, below...
MIKE BROWN, FEMA: We are moving in 650,000 pounds of water. And meals. Lots of meals. And BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH...
BUSH'S THOUGHTS: Christ, it's hot here! I wish someone would bring me a bottle of water. Why didn't I use a three wood instead of an iron on that shot? That was bad advice. I hate bad advice. I really do. Bad advice is bad. Remember to write that down... "Bad advice is bad." Gotta' tell Karl that one. Oh shit! Better nod my head!
BUSH (ALOUD): Good. Excellent. Thank you for your hard work.
BROWN: BLAH BLAH 50,000 pounds, 4,000 troops, BLAH BLAH BLAH...
BUSH'S THOUGHTS: Look tough! Look concerned! What was the third thing Karl told me to look? Oh, yeah... Look smart! Look smart!
SOME GENERAL: Our people have been BLAH BLAH BLAH...
BUSH'S THOUGHTS: A week ago at this time, I was riding my bike with Lance Armstrong. He's a stud. A real stud. I wish those guys would put more air in my tires. They always seem a little low. I ask and ask and ask. "More air!" and they don't do it. I'm the President, goddamnit!
SOME GENERAL: ... not sleeping, just running missions and... BLAH BLAH BLAH
BUSH (ALOUD): Great. I respect that and I'm proud of you.
BUSH'S THOUGHTS: I feel like having a taco today for lunch. I need to tell someone to get me a taco. Lot's of guacamole. Extra guacamole. A taco.
COAST GUARDSMAN: And the people are just so happy to see us. It's very rewarding.
BUSH (ALOUD): Can I get a taco?
BUSH'S THOUGHTS: Damn it! Stupid, stupid, stupid!