…..is not the will to kill oneself. But it is related to diseases of despair. It can be a symptom of such disease, not a disease itself.
Prior to the covid world, these diseases of despair were becoming frequent to the extent they could not be ignored. Experts began to create stats to follow these deaths due to diseases like addiction and depression. Suicide is an integral part of this sad and growing stat. It is now considered by some not as an act of one’s free will, but as a result of disease, rendering the person a victim. The afflicted may simply surrender due to a host of symptoms that eventually lead to self-annihilation. Thus a transformation takes place from ideation, the will to die, to extreme action. It may well be that the will to die lies at the heart of diseases of despair.
Suicide itself is oft misunderstood. However, the will to die may even be less understood as a separate affliction. We may all feel it at some point in life, even if fleeting and minor, that is to say both the will to die and consideration to act to end your life. The observations that follow are a focus on the will to die, a powerful emotional force that can take a toll on everyday life. While at the same time, surprisingly, be hidden and silent. People can suffer this will yet live for years.
The will to die is akin to a fantasy, and can function like the others. Fantasy can fulfill an important need or be destructive. Fantasy can grow out of passion, whether it is sexual or rage. Have you ever felt, secretly, the wish to harm someone you think caused harm to you or others you love? Or threatens to harm you? Have you imagined strangling your boss, co-worker, lover, abusive partner? Or having an affair? Does that mean you will act upon your fantasy?
For its prevalence and the suffering it brings, it may be wise to consider how this can work as well as how to discuss the phenomena with others and change it.
The will to die maybe a desire that is not static but fluid and subject to factors outside of one’s control. Imagine a teeter totter with the will to live bearing the weight in the opposite seat. It may be thought of as a “passive suicide” manifesting in the complete loss of will to solve troubles, endure hardship and forfeit life with little effort.
Consequences abound in life from powerlessness, a sense of worthlessness, hopelessness,,chronic medical illness with unrelenting suffering, loss of social contact, unemployment, etc. Pandemic? It can result in a vastly diminished life. Woe to someone with the will to die who is confronted by the risk of death or dying. That person is likely to surrender quickly, even in fear and reluctance. It can be marked by extreme resignation to external misfortune. Or, it can direct one to engage in high risk behavior. Linked, these factors can easily lead to drug use or alcohol abuse, which may be an attempt at self medication. Can it explain addiction which is epidemic in our country? This is only one example.
The death wish unfortunately, is often ignored since stories of suicide or the will to live make better headlines. The latter are heralded.
The will to live is truly astounding taking many of us through harrowing suffering and lethal risk, or perceived danger. It can seize one in an instant, just as the threat of death may present in an instant. One asserts their greatest strength when threatened and this survival wish may function without deliberation. Action under threat can also be judged as heroic which lends itself to telling; While the will to die hides in shame. The death wish may simmer in silence out of fear that others are likely to be critical without caring about reason or circumstance. It may scream in judgement or immediate declaration of weakness of character, cowardice or being ungrateful. Further factors that cause it to hide abound. It may suggest to others that a loved one does not, in fact, love those who love them or care for them. It can be seen as betrayal. Or shirking responsibility for dependants. It may loom as a sense of minimizing the suffering of others. Who has not heard or uttered “others have it worse so what can you/we complain about?!” And there will always be others. Especially those who triumph over adversity or pain, so the will to die can easily remain unspoken as it elicits shame leaving a person with the sense they have no right to speak of those feelings.
Another factor rendering it unfamiliar is that others may not know how to talk of frightening, serious emotions, similar to addressing suicide. It maybe regarded as a “negative” feeling. There has been much said and written over many years about “positivity” and “faith” labelling one who feels the wish to die as pitifully unfaithful and pathetically pessimistic. In some cases, people suffer what is unquestionably bad circumstance, injustice, cruel events or actions in life yet relegate it as the very opposite, even glowing terms. That “it was meant to be” or “the will of or a blessing from god!”
Differently, identifying bad circumstance as good may be rationalization that is an expression of hope (perfectly valid). Just as likely, it is plain old denial, wishful thinking, a fantasy of the opposite.
The reply with confidence that ‘everything will be alright or fine!’ so “why worry?” is oft heard despite it being baseless. This negates the need to speak of the ‘negative’ shutting the sufferer down or out. This can be incredibly harmful to whomever is suffering something they desperately need to share with a loved one, be it friend, spouse or family. Naturally, professional help may be indicated yet never sought. Others are within reach and attainable confidants, or so we expect.
Add to this the psychological diagnosis of depression along with multiple other diagnosis that may be related. To further the confusion is mis-labeling language we so often hear and or claim as “being depressed”. We miss, therefore, the big distinction between a psychological/medical diagnosis with sadness, disappointment, grief, loneliness. The latter are valid and normal emotions that need our attention and sometimes tremendous time & energy to heal. They are not a diagnosis or disease.
Most troubling however, is when professionals themselves misunderstand the will to die diagnosing someone with hasty and poor professional judgement by slapping on the label of “suicidal”. They are trained to identify suicical ideation and potential self-harm, which can indeed be a difficult judgement, but miss this important distinction. The suicide label nearly always demands involuntary detention within the walls of a psych center (or jail?). It can be a reaction by the professional who chooses to commit a suffering soul asserting their authority, either as precaution or misguided self-serving act. Plus, liability rears its’ ugly side driving the choice to protect a practitioner/practice rather than provide patient care. We are rampant with liability. You can hear the echo in every phone call to your medical provider which begins “If this is a life threatening emergency hang up and...” This seems to have superseded or at least prefaced all greetings, especially the caring tone one might hope for.
Now, in a frightening new world of pandemics, with death worldwide by a mysterious medical monster while others lurk, routine or preventative care regarded as non-essential, eviction, mass unemployment, loss of social contact, confinement, lack of or nightmarish leadership and information, the list goes on, we will see more disease of despair. The will to die may be felt for the first time or grow strong/er. What must be done?
Here are some suggestions since circumstances are more severe than the vast majority have ever lived as well as never experienced.
We need to give the will to die voice. Let it be heard among the wails if we must. That means discovering expression in new ways, new outlets and with greater mental health care by carefully trained professionals. It does not need to be locked in a room or captured by Big Pharm but drugs that are not a fix. Some meds, indeed, help but too often the “happy pill” does not exist.
We need to re-engage socially but in safe ways until the pandemic crisis passes. Consider those precautions that are issued as we have all heard, mask wearing, social distancing, shelter in place. We can do many things voluntarily, one being contact tracing that is not in place in the US at all.
We must be especially critical in our thinking when given information. There maybe much offered that is meant to mislead. To say leadership is lacking is a vast understatement. But once we have what we believe is accurate information, caution must be a guide as to how to move forward. It must be remembered that individual action is not truly individual. What we face is collective. Your actions can threaten or take the lives of others.
We also face an increasing threat against our civil liberties. Has this proved to be the key to containing Covid 19 elsewhere? Or could we forfeit our freedoms out of fear? After all, fear is contagious too. Has it lead to hysteria? Can we learn the lessons of the tragedy of 911 when the Patriot Act and Authorization to Use Military Force were passed with lightning speed sans scant dissent, a single vote against in the Senate and House respectively. This means we must allow for discussion and dissent rather than simply letting go of liberties byway of granting government more power. In this case, it is imperative that our actions be fiercely cautious but primarily voluntary.
We also need to seriously abide by the 3 or 4 simple rules to avoid covid 19. Wash your hands and/or use sanitizer. Wear a mask when you go out. Do not touch your face when away from home or with someone who has covid. This is a droplet born illness so any contact must be stopped short of your hands and face. It has also been said that covid 19 is a ‘wimp’ and dies easily when you use alcohol/bleach. To become infected takes extended time with someone who is infected. Due to a shortage of hospital beds and medical providers, you are safe to stay home, even with a fever. The time to go to the hospital is when you sense shortness of breath. Trouble breathing will get you tested and likely admitted. Remember that there is yet much to learn about covid 19 and what may follow. From top epidemiologists, a vaccine is not likely for a year or more. Our so-called leadership cannot be trusted for information. The doctor who was chosen to lead the charge has been silenced by the WH. The CDC, the agency that too, is established to lead the way has also been shut down. Authorities have not allowed them to hold a simple press conference at the precise time they are intended to speak. America, sadly, is now the leader, number one again, as we so often consider ourselves, but in the worst of all ways. The latest information suggests this is going to stay with us like HIV. We will be forced to come to grips with it in our midst fora long time.
We also must form a movement nationwide to make major change. We must demand universal health care in our country. We must organize to let capitalism die before humanity dies. We can do better. There are plenty of examples of worker coops and democracy at the workplace. But we must demand this and use those workers who have tried to speak out. Profits now has demonstrated that millions will die, many of starvation when food exists. All the while, unprecedented job loss along with health coverage is wracking our nation with numbers surpassing the great depression; greater horrors in the poorest nations, the billionaires have grown much richer. That is the nature of capitalism. How can the will to die be any surprise?
Yet the will to act can counter the will to die. Action is antidote. It can restore a sense of control or power. It can further remind people that this is a time of need for one another, an essential need need to come together despite separation. Six feet from another is not six feet under. We must organize enmass and act to save ourselves, dare i say, to save the human race.
5-22-20
