In The New York Times today, was hit hard by an article called "Restoring My Daughter's Honor", by Gary Noling. From the title I already knew what the story would be about: a female who served in the military who was raped there and then ostracized for attempting to confront the situation in some way. What really bothered me this time was the memory of all the other times that a similar story is reported, in so many contexts, and yet it keeps happening. And I think we often come to a partially wrong conclusion, that the fault lies in the institution in being unwilling to punish its own or to set the guidelines clearly enough. Indeed, that is part of the problem, but I don't think it is the root cause. The root cause is that we live in a Rape Tolerant to Rape Friendly society. We live in a society where women, as well as the feminine or vulnerable in each of us, is not truly respected. Otherwise how could this happen? How could this woman's peers not come to her support and instead vilify her?
Here is the link, it is well worth the read, though I warn in advance that for this diary it is more of an inspirational starting point; I hope that the author won’t mind if he reads this and I sincerely hope he gets the outcome he is seeking.
www.nytimes.com/...
First let me come clean -- though my Father has, and I've worked for a military minded ship captain or two on a fishing boat, I have never served in the military. I don't know what it is really like in there. But I assume there is some level of training, or possibly indoctrination at some point. I assume certain things are deeply impressed upon every soldier regarding things like chain-of-command, standing by ones comrades, patriotism...some things like this must be taught at some point. So could there not be other types of training, e.g. in how not to be a sexist and things of that nature -- and I'm not suggesting something along the lines of the corporate milquetoast that gets taught regarding "sexual harassment", I am talking about implementing a practice of going deeply into how human beings respect each other, communicate feelings and needs a non-violent, non-controlling manner. These principles would have to be inculcated as deeply as chain-of-command, even to the point that it should be plain as day that in cases of sexual violence or extreme manipulation, chain-of-command should be circumvented. It should be plain to all officers at all levels that such behavior is completely off limits and can result in court-martial. It should be frankly discussed that sexual feelings can become extremely intense around combat situations and people have to learn to take responsibility for their feelings and actions. Special safeguards should be made against commanding officers abusing their authority by exercising psychological or sexual control over anyone in their unit.
Essentially what I’m saying is that rather than falling into the trap of looking for the vengeance, we take a good look at ourselves, at how and why this can keep happening...and try to create something better in place of the culture and mindset that allows it.
Perhaps the culture of bullying, furthermore, which I believe the military to some extent tolerates and utilizes, must be dismantled and replaced with a culture of true brother and sisterhood. If this sounds idealistic that is just another indication of how twisted our culture has become.
In or out of the military, we somehow we need to create a different kind of society. One in which we can listen to and respect each other. One in which women, in particular are respected, and supported in feeling safe. Transgender people as well of course. A society in which any kind of unwanted sexual or controlling advance is immediately called out and the perpetrators dealt with in such a way that they won't continue to act in the same manner -- preferably by early intervention and ongoing education on sexism, racism, homo/transgenderphobia, xenophobia, agism and (sorry, not sure the right word but the analogous word for unfair treatment of disabled persons).
Reading my words I guess I'm calling for something similar to the the much maligned 'Political Correctness' of the 80s and 90s which seems to have died off in response to the primarily white, male privileged objections to it. Yeah, I think I'm ok with that. I do see the dangers of such an effort, but I think lessons could be learned from these past attempts -- it's important that people don't feel they must expose themselves to more judgement and self-scrutiny than they are ready for, ie that it feels like a voluntary process. Even the process of coming up with such a curriculum among a diverse group of people could lead to some good ideas for how to continue.
I know I sound like a hopeless idealist but I'm beginning to think that efforts like this are the only way we can transform a sick society. Of course, we have to do more than just educate. We have to walk the talk and carry this awareness into all of our activities, and into varied artistic endeavours: music, theatre, movies, essays. I do feel there is more awareness of these themes, on some level, than when I was coming of age in the 80s and perhaps there is fertile ground to do even more. Anyway I felt I had to get this out there. Am open to input and feedback on how we can do this.
One last thing, I want to be clear that whereas these thoughts were triggered by an event within the military, I am by no means suggesting that the problem is only there or that we stop there. The military is just another microcosm of the larger society. We have to change these stories everywhere.
