Ever since women began burning bras and sporting power shoes on the long road to equality, post-sixties men have been wandering in the wake of the sexual revolution in search of a new identity. Bill Maher captured the collective confusion in a recent interview with Gloria Steinem when he quipped, “Are you going to bust me on sexism if I say you look great ?
Herein lies the dilemma for hetero men living in the modern era: How to take on equal roles with women while still maintaining their masculinity.
As we move further and further into a culture of feminized, metrosexual men where doing errands at the mall has replaced hunting and gathering, gay marriage and male nannies (mannies) are universally celebrated, and Glamour magazine’s 2015 Woman of the Year was Caitlyn Jenner, where do the males of the species go from here?
Given that men aren’t exactly known for forming empowerment groups to discuss their inner-most feelings, there’s been a subtle and not-so-subtle rage boiling just beneath the surface. This deep-seated anger is part of the reason why so many men have been flocking to Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders with wild excitement. These two unlikely candidates have both picked up the alpha male torch to provide a sense of direction in restoring men’s place in the post-modern era.
With Trump it’s more obvious. He’s the classic Archie Bunker anti-feminist caveman who isn’t afraid to accuse Megan Kelly of being on her period; doesn’t hesitate to shush Jeb Bush during a debate; and is willing to assert that maybe a Black Lives Matter activist interrupting his rally should be roughed up. When Trump says that he could shoot somebody and not lose votes, it’s because that’s how a lot of men actually feel.
Bernie is the kinder, gentler, democratic socialist version of Trump. While on the surface he may seem like a just another warm and fuzzy progressive softy, Bernie is a fierce, alpha male fighter. He gallantly defends reporters like Andrea Mitchell from being stampeded by the press; he’s waging a David and Goliath insurgency against big money; and instead of wilting like a Jeb Bush wallflower under attack, Bernie launches a series of Muhammad Ali one-two punches in his “Fight of the Century”.
Both men are leaders of the pack. Trump dominates the playing field in a debate. There is a palpable fear from the other candidates who know he'll go for the jugular. Bernie is in total command of his mass rallies. He knows how to control the screaming crowds with a simple, “OK, that’s enough” gesture.
Trump and Bernie speak certain truths to power. They say what others are afraid to admit and don't back down. In a world where strong male leaders have been replaced by impotent talking heads spouting corporate sanctioned talking points, these two possess a certain kind of masculine prowess that’s attractive.
And it’s not just men feeling the alpha male revival burn. Many women also have a deep-seated longing for a strong male resurgence (or at least the evolved version of it).
The wildfire popularity of the book, “Fifty Shades of Grey” is an undeniable example of women's secret desire for dominant men (not to be confused with “domineering”). Belinda Luscombe, an editor at TIME magazine, feels that women still like the traditional role of men as protectors, “Women are increasingly the bread winners in their homes and this fantasy of being looked after, having someone there to obsessively protect you and make sure you have everything you need continues to be so robust in our culture.” Fifty Shades author E.L. James agrees: “You’re in charge of your job, your house, your children, getting food on the table, doing all of this, all of the time. It would be nice for someone else to be in charge for a bit.”
It’s not that women want to revert back into submissive roles, but they’d like men who will at least match them. Mindie Kniss, PhD, a life coach who helps men get in touch with their masculinity, realized that there was an imbalance in the culture after meeting her husband Sean Stephenson, a 3-feet tall wheelchair user who said she didn’t need to be G.I. Jane:
"In my life I’ve always had a lot of masculine energy in that I’d be the one going out into the world and making something happen and really just being powerful.... And what was very intriguing to me about Sean was that when he and I started connecting he said, ‘You know Mindie that’s awesome that you’re like that in your business and out in the world, but you don’t have to be like that with me.’…And I don’t think I had dated someone that was as strong in their masculinity as Sean was. Which is funny because a lot of them are big, averaged sized guys and Sean is this little guy in a wheelchair. But he has developed and worked on the confidence and the masculinity to bring him to where he is today. And I’d never been met like that. I’d always been the stronger one in the relationship.”
Mindie feels that there’s been a role reversal because a lot of boys are raised by women and don’t necessarily have strong masculine role models. And since women are the ones raising the kids, they have had to be more masculine.
The biggest piece of advice Mindie gives men about how to be more masculine is to make decisions, ”Being decisive is a huge masculine trait. And a lot of the men that I work with and even just the guys that I know socially, they have a hard time with that because there’s been so much role reversal that they’re kind of used to being with strong women who make all the decisions and call the shots. So I say to the men, ’Start making some decisions. Start standing your ground….What do you really want? And let’s go from there.”
The appeal of Bernie and Trump is not just that they’re authentic. It’s that they’re authentically decisive. Bernie insists that we can have free healthcare. Trump asserts that Mexican immigrants will be deported. Whether or not you agree with these proposals, regardless of if they can be done, these men are willing to take strong positions and we all have the sense that they would fight for them. In an age where male warriors are a dying breed, the rock star response to these presidential hopefuls shouldn’t be as unexpected as it seems. Contrary to their unconventional political personas, Bernie and Trump are actually very conventional in the face of our muddled yin yang confusion. And in these uncertain times, that might just be reassuring.
