Kagro in the Morning podcast (AUDIO): Thursday, September 21, 2023

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Thursday September 21, 2023 · 2:52 PM PDT

2023/09/21 · 14:52

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On today’s KITM, by popular demand, David Waldman will continue our discussion of Canadian pirates. By greater popular demand, Greg Dworkin returns with another of his Raft O’ Stories®rrrrr, matey.

Remember TV’s Byron Allen? It’s okay if you don’t. Bryon is doing just fine without us. Mr. Allen is so well off now that he could even afford to dine with David Brooks.

Kevin McCarthy’s plan to hold the House together while avoiding government default is simple. He will keep giving in to right-wing extremists until Republicans are forced to accept whatever Democrats offer them. Meanwhile, Donald Trump has presented an even simpler solution to Republicans, the “F’ everybody and save my ass!” plan. (Donald’s now suddenly concerned about how he might look in orange.) Presently, Gop priorities center around lining up people to hand them their head in committee meetings.

Elsewhere, justice marches on. You could fill a stadium with lawyers embarrassed to have been associated with Trump. Trump’s fake electors are wondering if their sleeper cells had been sleeping enough to evade prosecution. Is Trump Employee 2 a model witness?

Trump Is the reason women can’t get abortions.

And yet, Trump has a really good feeling that he’s going to win the nomination. Ron DeSantis circles the drain, for 2024, and probably also 2028. Alabama is doing its part for their future Republicans, by keeping Black representation down to a minimum.

Nuns are fighting the Catholic patriarchy, which the Catholic patriarchy has determined disqualifies them from fighting the Catholic patriarchy.

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David Waldman for Kagro in the Morning

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Thursday September 21, 2023 · 5:45 AM PDT

2023/09/21 · 05:45

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Plenty more pirate content available for today, if need be.

But first, Greg Dworkin gets one more shot at keeping us up to date on as many fronts as possible.

And we’re gonna need to stock up, too. Because we’ll be away from the microphone on Monday.

To atone for all this pirate content.

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Scott Anderson

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Wednesday September 20, 2023 · 1:02 PM PDT

2023/09/20 · 13:02

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It’s Wednesday, time for David Waldman, Greg Dworkin and KITM, your source for Canadian pirate information and news. We have talked on the subject, and I posted a few links yesterday, but more needs to be said. It turns out that despite American’s comprehensive and detailed knowledge of pirates, Vikings and such, some are still unaware that these swashbuckling heroes might also be Canadian. For instance, there’s Peter Easton, warlord, gangster, and profit center of the North Atlantic. Proof that a rising tide raises all boats, unless you crossed him, then he sunk yours. Also, Pirate-Canadian Maria Lindsey Cobham, Pirate Queen. And who can forget “Roaring” Dan Seavey, who pirated Americans and Canadians alike? Yarr! Eh?

Republicans (and Democrats) wonder if Kevin McCarthy should be made to walk the plank, even as the Gop House sinks beneath the waves. McCarthy’s last words will be “Regular order!” while the rest of the Republican rats have already picked out shores to swim to. Don’t expect our Navy to fish out the treacherous picaroons.

Meet The Press and moderator Kristen Welker failed in their interview of Donald Trump… or they did exactly what they had planned to do.

Larry David asked Elon Musk “Do you just want to murder kids?” and discovered that Elon has a wide range of other interests, including mass disinformation and trolling.

Nikki Haley warns that supporting unions will only make unions stronger. Just look at how emboldened UAW president Shawn Fain has become! Auto workers have successfully employed union jujitsu on selected auto plants.

3 fake electors want to make a federal case out of their subversion charges. Fake elector Cathy Latham used to hate politics. She’ll really hate prison.

Gen Z influencers moonlight as Ken Paxton’s astroturf support.

Meanwhile, special elections continue to go really, really well for Democrats.

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David Waldman for Kagro in the Morning

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Wednesday September 20, 2023 · 5:45 AM PDT

2023/09/20 · 05:45

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Yarr! I didn’t get enough talking like a pirate yesterday!

Either that, or I’m an Eastern Arrrrrrrthodox pirate.

Or at least an enthusiastic joke recylarrrrrrr.

Greg Dworkin didn’t have a chance to say anything piratical yesterday, so we’ll have to give him his chance today.

Oh! And I found out… yes there is a robust tradition in Canadian piracy! How would you like to hear about that for two hours?

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Scott Anderson

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Tuesday September 19, 2023 · 7:19 PM PDT

2023/09/19 · 19:19

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Cap’n David Waldman, at the helm of the Good Ship KITM, sails us safely through another “Talk Like a Pirate Day” … uhm, “Yar”? (For our Canadian listeners, that’s “Yar, eh?”) Special Tuesday guest Joan McCarter isn’t feeling nautical today but can suggest a few members of Congress to keelhaul.

Republicans in DC have not been quite “arrayed” as of late. Republicans who always wanted to burn it down are using their fellow Republicans as kindling. The House are kneecapping the Senate, but so is Senator Ron Johnson. Matt Gaetz has turned against Kevin McCarthy, but pretty much everybody is turning against Matt Gaetz. The Biden impeachment inquiry might at least shut down with the government if they all didn’t mind abusing their staff.

Clarence Thomas’ graft scandal raises the question of why SCOTUS justices have the time to take 38 vacations. Catholic fundamentalist tycoon Leonard Leo is working the judges from federal to state level to choke out voting rights.

Donald Trump has been in court for about 60 years and is 77 years old. What does a warning about crossing the line into lifelong legal jeopardy actually mean to him? That’s why he wrote to-do lists for lackies on classified documents. Using them as toilet paper wasn’t getting his point across. Donald reminded aides that they “don’t know anything about boxes”. Trump is right, in that not many know everything about all of the boxes.

Rudy Colludy Giuliani's ex-lawyers sue him for $1.4 million that they say he owes. Rudy could use a little of that money Trump raised for him... Too bad it all went to Bedminster overhead costs, huh?

Canada isn’t worried so much about pirates anymore. Now it’s the Sikh Khalistan movement which has been an Indian problem but is turning into a Canadian crisis.

Five Americans are back on US soil after release from Iranian detention, which would normally be seen as great news, if it wasn’t for the way abnormal people see things.

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David Waldman for Kagro in the Morning

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Tuesday September 19, 2023 · 5:45 AM PDT

2023/09/19 · 05:45

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It’s Tuesday.

But not just any Tuesday! Yarr! It be Talk Like a Pirate Day!

How do ye spell, “yarr,” exactly, anyway?

We might ask Joan McCarter, aka Joan McCarrrrrrtarrrrrrr.

But we’ll probably be talking government shutdown, instead.

In fact, I’m declaring an across-the-board 1% cut to the content of today’s show. Excluding things I say, or things Joan says, of course.

And also excluding anything else that might happen on the show that I’ve forgotten about.

Yarr! That be regularrrrr orrrrrrdarrrr.

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David Waldman for Kagro in the Morning

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Monday September 18, 2023 · 12:25 PM PDT

2023/09/18 · 12:25

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Greg Dworkin had an embarrassment of ~~riches~~ embarrassing embarrassments to go through in rounding up the weekend’s news.

They put TFG back on normie TV, and to no one’s surprise, it sucked. And nobody told viewers he was a lying liar. Which they’re really going to have to do, one of these days. Meanwhile, he used the weekend to complain about Biden’s mental acuity, while also bragging that he was ahead of Obama in the polls, and that if he didn’t win the presidency in 2024, the US might find itself in World War II.

In Texas, Ken Paxton is guilty. But that didn’t stop Texas state senate Republicans from finding him not guilty. We knew that was likely to happen, even though state house Republicans had voted overwhelmingly to impeach him. But in the end… the “jurors” were… Republicans.

In other performative impeachment news, the WaPo comes up with a correct headline for whatever it is House Republicans are up to in DC. The NYT, meanwhile, has noticed that Democrats are hand-wringers. Looming in the background: another government shutdown, which ordinarily, the Speaker of the House would try to deal with. But we don’t have one. All we have is a collection of press hounds, who know it’s easier to become famous for saying no. Well, that and a Dusty Johnson.

Jenna Ellis has temporarily learned a lesson, finding herself on the menu at a leopard restaurant. Even odds on whether she forgets it if TFG ever matters, again.

What do you say if you’re a conservative who is disgusted by Vivek Ramaswamy? You say that you dislike him, and that it’s because he “sounds like” a progressive Democrat.

In a sampling of the latest courtroom drama, Trump hilariously insisted that the judge in his DC case should recuse herself, while prosecutors merely insisted that that he should stop inciting violence. Twitter lawyers, meanwhile, insisted that they would keep appealing their previous losses over Smith’s warrant for TFG’s Tweets.

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David Waldman for Kagro in the Morning

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Monday September 18, 2023 · 5:45 AM PDT

2023/09/18 · 05:45

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Happy Monday!

Today should be interesting. And not just because Greg Dworkin will be getting us caught up from the weekend. Though that’s always interesting.

No, today will be marked by… a little roofing repair going on during the show!

We sprang a little leak last week during a heavy downpour, and we were lucky enough to snag a roofer for today.

But wouldn’t you know it? The 2-hour window for them to show up is from 9 to 11 this morning.

And what am I usually doing from 9 to 11 in the morning?

Fortunately, we’ve got some in-house production staff on hand this morning. (By the way, when I say in-house, I’m not kidding! They’re in my house!)

Anyway, even though we’ve got the doorbell covered, you could still hear some… interesting sound effects in the background.

And not just our usual “Midwest diner” ambience! We could get some real clunking, banging and hammering going on, in between previews of upcoming courtroom drama and government shutdowns.

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Scott Anderson

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Friday September 15, 2023 · 7:34 PM PDT

2023/09/15 · 19:34

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David Waldman delivers us to the end of the week and the beginning of the year on today’s KITM. Shofar so good!

Artificial Intelligence should not be writing obituaries, unless, of course, you want AI to be part of bereavement process. After all, what could be worse for AI than to be declared useless? What could be a prouder moment than to have played in video games? An AI named “EagleAI” has shown itself to be useful in disenfranchising voters and helpful in spreading disinformation. It won’t be dying soon.

PraegerU aims to teach children the words of Abraham Lincoln, Frederick Douglass and Ullyses S. Grant, as passed through the intestinal tract of Rush Limbaugh.

It’s gotten out that Florida “homeschoolers” can receive kayaks, paddleboards, big-screen televisions and theme park tickets free from the State. (Who knew that people read Facebook?) It was only a matter of time before someone came to break up the party.

Rural Georgia voters are wondering how Trump’s co-conspirators managed to get away with all that they did under their noses. Meanwhile, in North Carolina election fraudster Mark Harris wants to put all his old crimes behind him, to make room for his future in Congress.

Donald Trump has another interview and digs a little deeper.

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David Waldman for Kagro in the Morning

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Friday September 15, 2023 · 5:45 AM PDT

2023/09/15 · 05:45

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This is it! Friday!

The last day of 5783!

Happy New Year!

But first, we have to get through the day, which is still part of the old year.

Luckily, we have some stories left over from the old year to share, so we won’t get people all confused.

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Scott Anderson

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Thursday September 14, 2023 · 1:15 PM PDT

2023/09/14 · 13:15

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Thursday on KITM, and we welcome David Waldman and Greg Dworkin, your unimpeachable sources for news and mirth, weekdays.

Not-so mirthful Kevin McCarthy finally realizes the value of f—king procedure, if not adjective placement. The MAGA/Freedom caucus is beginning to realize that destroying government for their revenge fantasies isn’t a big vote-getter. Neither is their shutting down of abortion rights. Unfortunately for everyone, their MAGA doom loop is much more frequent than the Brigadoon loop of 100 years.

Soon you won’t have Mitt Romney to kick around anymore. Joking! Of course, you will. Forever. Remember, that just because someone hates the same people you do, it doesn’t make him your friend.

We still have Donald Trump to kick around, so somebody really needs to be kicking harder. The ass-kicking line is just queuing up, and everyone will get their full turn.

Meanwhile, if Hunter Biden has a problem with the law, he needs to settle up. That’s the way it goes, and the way it should go with everyone. MAGA terrorists never will see it that way.

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David Waldman for Kagro in the Morning

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Thursday September 14, 2023 · 5:45 AM PDT

2023/09/14 · 05:45

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Thursday is upon us!

Although I’m all for impeaching Thursday, and moving straight to Friday.

Well, wait. Greg Dworkin is due in today, making the job of handling the first hour of the show immeasurably easier.

So maybe I should leave today alone, and impeach Friday.

But Fridays are pretty popular. People frequently thank God for them. It’d be politically unpopular to impeach a Friday.

Monday, sure. Nobody likes Mondays. You wouldn’t even need any evidence!

Many people are talking about this. I am very normal.

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