Yes, it’s really me – Nancy Pelosi, Minority Speaker of the House and the person responsible for developing the Democrats future legislative agenda. And here’s some exciting news!
My refusal to even consider single-payer/Medicare for All health care for our country – even though the majority of Americans want it -- has really taken off!
So I’ve applied that same “just settle for what you’ve got” approach in my new book. It’s about how ordinary people can improve their meaningless lives without ruffling feathers, rocking the boat, or having a drone hover overhead for hours on end.
Here’s a quick look at the history of what I like to call the “You Want What??” movement and what this means to you. It all began with my speech to the Democrats:
[Single-payer healthcare is] not going to happen,” the California Democrat said. “I mean does anybody is this room think that we’re going to be discussing a single payer?” she added, looking around to her House Democratic leadership team. The leaders held a news conference upon their arrival in Baltimore before beginning their 2016 issues conference.
“I’ve been for single payer for 30 years,” Pelosi said. “It is a very popular idea in our country, but we have made a decision about where we’re going on health care.”
And I’m here to tell you, if it’s up to me, we’re not going anywhere.
Let the rest of the civilized world save billions of dollars and get better medical outcomes than the U.S because they have some form of single payer! If they were Americans, they’d know any plan that doesn’t funnel billions of dollars to our big contributors beloved insurance companies is simply too ambitious for us. Maybe that’s why my pragmatic, sensible agenda for Democrats is so popular!
Due to the overwhelming response from our corporate Democratic base, I definitely made the right call. Democrats are realists. No pie in the sky, unicorn riding a rainbow here, people. If you’re looking for pixie dust and magic wands, you’re in the wrong party. Actually, you’re in the wrong country, but let’s not get into that right now.
My reasoning -- that we should focus exclusively on what’s “do-able”-- or preferably, already done! — obviously struck a nerve. So I’ve gathered up ten similar ideas that you can apply to everyday life. No boat rocking here. These are practical suggestions you can use right now!
Number One: Dealing with Income Inequality
This seems to be a big issue, although I’m not exactly sure why. But I found an amazingly simple solution! Check it out in the video below:
See how easy that is? Who needs a revolution, people, amIrite?
Number Two: Raise Taxes on the Wealthy
The first time someone brought up higher taxes, I went full-on Franco:
And actually it turns out I’m right. For once. Rich people didn’t get rich by paying taxes, silly! If you take our (I mean their) money away, we’ll be broke, just like the rest of you. And then who will you look up to?
Number Three: Dealing with Climate Change
Now here’s a no-brainer. Forget about carbon swaps and methane burps and solar panels. All you need to do is acquire several homes in different part of the country, okay?
So, speaking from personal experience, when it gets hot and sticky in DC, I just take the private jet back to my mansion in San Francisco, or another beautiful place where it’s cool and breezy and there’s at least an Armani or Louis Vuitton at the local mall. Problem solved!
No house? No problem! Just make sure there’s a Four Seasons Spa and Resort in the town of your choice. I’m telling you, climate change is a great excuse to just get out of town, kick off the Louboutons, and do some serious damage to that titanium card.
Listen, the masseuse will be here any minute and actually I think I’ve worked hard enough on this. I know I promised 10 ideas, but geez, you should really try to understand that politicians can’t do everything for you, okay?
So over to you, people who think we should all have nice things -- or even just things. Crank that old American “can’t do” spirit up to 11 and let’s see what doesn’t happen!
Meanwhile, I’ll continue to keep a lid on expectations and work toward the day when only old Commie pinkos without $200 haircuts bring up icky things like “socialism.”
Don’t worry -- nothing’s going to change, mainly because I won’t let it!
I’m Nancy Pelosi and I'm worth $100 million, because I know how to stop shit from getting done.
