I’ve been man-handled by cops!
Once, as a paramedic responding to a prisoner in need of care at the local jail, I backed up to give officers room to let me into his cell. I inadvertently backed perilously close to the cell behind me – close enough so that the prisoner in that cell could have pulled my trauma sheers out of my belt and used them against me. The law enforcement officer who grabbed me and pulled me to safety didn’t care if he hurt me. I can live with those bruises.
Once, while trying to reach an injured toddler in the back seat of a crashed car before traffic at the scene was properly controlled, I felt a law enforcement officer climb on top of me from behind. I thought I was being molested, until I realized he was physically shielding me with his own body as broken glass and metal were being sprayed off the highway by cars with drivers who couldn’t be bothered slowing down.
Once, I was called to help a woman in a one-room apartment late at night in a high crime area. A cop met me at the scene. I found a very sick elderly woman sitting on a soiled mattress on the floor. A single, bare light bulb hung from the ceiling. There was no other furniture. The first words out of her mouth were, “I’ve got the AIDS.” Her words were clearly intended to warn me to protect myself. I always wore gloves and wasn’t concerned. She broke my heart. My partner was busy bringing a stretcher and equipment from the ambulance. As I asked what hurt her and how I could help, my supposed law enforcement protector knelt down next to us to assist in any way he could. He was not wearing protective gloves, but leather (probably expensive) ones. He couldn’t have cared less – just wanted to help her as much as I did. So much for watching my six.
Once, I responded to a self-inflicted gunshot wound. After I had climbed onto the bed to assess my patient someone yelled, “GUN!” and I was unceremoniously yanked off the bed and onto the floor. I can live with those bruises, too.
I’ve run into some bad apples – usually sexist jerks. They sometimes have trouble with women – especially women in positions of authority. I usually forgive them because it is part of the same machismo that gives them the courage to run toward danger. But the overwhelming majority of law enforcement officers who helped me over the years were genuinely good people who truly wanted to protect and serve. None of them ever seemed to even notice my patient’s race, or ethnicity, or gender, or gender identity, or HIV status. The patients needed help. I was there to help them. The cops were there to help me help them.
Yes. You can probably already tell that I speak from a position of white privilege. No. I can’t even imagine being fearful of contact with law enforcement. But my biracial son was given “the talk” in no uncertain terms. Look for my white face among the Black Lives Matter supporters. If I can’t really put myself in your shoes, I can imagine my son there. And even if I can never truly know how it feels to be black in America, I still mourn with you, I’m angry with you, I’m frustrated with you.
As for you cops, I hate to state the obvious, but you guys need to police yourselves. You know who the bad apples are. If I ran with a questionable medic, I reported immediately. Lives hung in the balance. Obviously, lives hang in the balance in your profession as well. Report them. If your superior won’t listen, go over his/her head. If that doesn’t work, go to the media. If you lose your job over it, you probably didn’t want to be affiliated with that department anyway. Allowing racists, or incompetents, or officers without adequate training to wear your uniform, to wear your badge, to represent you, diminishes all of you.
I love my brothers and sisters in law enforcement – the good ones. The bad apples need to be prosecuted, convicted and jailed. Better yet, fired before they can hurt anyone and flagged so no other department will hire them. Sometimes that will mean the good ones breaking the blue wall. So be it. Your reputation is at stake. More importantly, the lives of those you want to protect and serve are at stake.
And now, how to get rid of a cop: They can’t handle bowel incontinence. What? They never changed a diaper? Never learned to breathe through their mouth? Adult poop is worse than baby poop? You want a cop to go away? Poop. They’ll run.
Even better than poop? Always be with a pregnant woman and tell them her water just broke. Every once in a while you read about a cop delivering a baby. Trust me, that cop would give anything to be anywhere else (until he realizes the woman does all the work and handles all the pain and all he has to do is catch).
Finally, if you want to get rid of a cop throw in a bunch of sports references as you politely answer his questions and keep your hands visible. Did you see the Rangers last night? How about those Red Sox? Have you been to a game lately? This is a form of de-escalation. Once you find his sport niche and get him responding he will no longer view you as a threat – just another fan. Eventually he will realize there is nothing to see here and move on. Or, he will keep you with his own stories for hours. Either way, there should be laughter instead of anger. Just don’t dis his team.
