During a speech from the White House today, President Obama made the very controversial statement that banging your testicles between two bricks is an extremely bad idea. Already there is a huge public outcry, primarily from the GOP, and demands that he retract his statements and offer an apology. Some are even calling for his impeachment. Here is the full quote from the president’s speech:
“FOX: Mr. President, what would you say to the people out there who claim that banging their nuts between two bricks is the only way to stimulate job growth and get the economy back on track?
President Obama: “I would have to say that is an absurd statement. In fact I would heavily recommend against it. Banging your nuts between two bricks will not only do nothing to fix the economy, it will most certainly hurt a lot. It could even have permanent consequences.”
So, there is the full quote. It is important to note that Obama did not offer any legislation regulating this behavior. He simply stated that banging your nuts between two bricks would be painful and would not help the economy. However, the GOP led House is already introducing legislation meant to reduce what they feel is too much government intrusion. Representative Boehner along with McConnell and Representative Bachmann have introduced the “Prevent Government Intrusion Into Testicular Pain” bill which will be introduced as an amendment under the “Opposition Under Communist Hierarchy” Act. This bill already has numerous republican co-sponsors and is expected to gain bipartisan support in the senate as Tester, Nelson, and Lieberman have all spoken out in favor of the measure. Numerous news outlets are already reporting this very controversial statement.
FOX: “We have a team of scientists who have been studying this issue for several years. They have all come to the conclusion that there is certainly nothing wrong with banging your nuts between two bricks. It is not painful. This is just another sign of Obama’s anti-business practices and extreme government interference. Even more, our scientists have stated that the only people who would oppose banging their nuts between two bricks would be the same fringe elements who support global warming theory. People like Al Gore and George Soros.”
But Fox is not the only ones reporting this major development. CNN has reached out to Ann Coulter, a certified expert in the causes of testicular pain:
CNN: “Ms Coulter, I understand that you disagree with the president’s absurd claim that banging your nuts between two bricks will do nothing to stimulate job growth?
Coulter: “I completely disagree. What’s more, it’s not even painful, and I’m speaking from experience. This is just more left-wing lunacy meant to drive up taxes and punish the successful. This president will do anything he can to destroy America, even intrusion into people’s personal lives. I have written all about it in my new book, ‘Smashing Your Junk for Success, a Guide against Liberal Fascism’.”
ABC news conducted a series of street interviews to determine the response of the general public. They spoke in Georgia with a local attorney named Erick Erikson who also completely disagreed with President Obama.
ABC: “Mr. Erickson, what do you think of Mr. Obama’s extreme leftist agenda in trying to regulate the private lives of citizens?”
Erickson: “I do not agree with this. I believe he is wrong, his statements are not supported by facts, and he is trying to cost this country jobs. And he is succeeding. We have known for years that smashing your nuts between bricks is not painful, will not hurt you, and will most certainly help the economy. Just today I have spoken with several hundred people who are already stating that this new policy by the Obama administration is costing them jobs. Ever since the democrats introduced this leftist overreach, businesses are afraid to hire anyone. Things will not get better until Obama is impeached.”
But not all news outlets are completely on board. We spoke with reporters from MSNBC who stated that while they agree with the president, it is important to look at both sides of the story before fully making a decision. While President Obama continues to stand by his remarks, there is still a growing number of people on the left who expect him to walk back his position soon.
