Louis CK is probably the funniest comedian around these days. I was checking out his website and he posted this on his message board. With all the very real stories out there right now about election fraud it doesn't seem that far removed from reality.
NOVEMBER 2nd. The votes are in and the winner is.... no one knows. I think it's pretty clear that this is exactly what's going to happen.
At least nine states will show no clear winner and the ballots will be locked up, impounded, siezed by partisan state governments. No one will agree on how to recount and how to match these votes with those crazy provisional ballots. EVery single vote will be litigated. Things will start to drag on and on. Kerry will NOT back down. The stakes are too high. Bush will NEVER back down. Are you high? Of course he won't.
Time will tick away. People will start to get really really pissed at each other. Bush will push for the congress to vote and appoint him with their republican majority. The REpublican Majority agrees to hold the vote. Democrats refuse to participate, siting the fact that the votes have not been properly counted, walking out en masse and holding a press conference outside. The left over Republicans hold a vote but many call it invalid because of the small numbers involved. Bush calls on Kerry to concede before the nation divides.. Kerry will not concede. Lawyers will continue to fight. The Supreme court will absolutely refuse to get involved because of the erosion of their credibility that happened in 2000. Congress is now broken and unable to function.
Janurary looms and nothing has been resolved. Kerry has begun appointing a cabinet and is creating a shadow government at the Watergate hotel.
Bush unilaterally declares himself president and plans to hold the inauguration. Chief Justice Renquist agrees to swear in Bush as president and the republicans seize on this as proof of legitimacy for his second term. Five of the nine justices resign in protest.
Bush holds the inauguration and there are nationwide protests that become very very very very violent.
Bush is now unchecked because congress is not a complete body and neither is the court. Kerry is careful not to declare himself president but says that there has never been a proper vote count and calls for a second election. Ballots start disappearing and there are fist-fights in the state houses across the nation.
Bush begins calling kerry a criminal and calls for his arrest for Treason. KErry, in the middle of the night, moves to a state that support him and begins operating from there. THE international scene comes into play as several european and world governments recognize Kerry as the American Head of State. The UN will not take such a step but refuses to allow Bush to operate within their body until he is legitimized. Jimmy Carter leads this movement. He is arrested adn dies in jail. The outrage is getting really bad and the Bushies across the counrty are just beating the shit out of liberal fags everywhere. Bush declares that he does not support these people but no on notices.
Bush moves against Kerry, sending Federal Marshalls to arrest him. He is protected by the State troopers of whatever state he's in. The govener of that state takes control of his national guard and protects his borders. Other contested states do the same. There are riots in the streets.
Bush is forced to call some troops back from Iraq to enforce his rule. A General or two declares Kerry the president.
And there it sits for some years. No shots are fired, but America settles into it's first
COLD CIVIL WAR.
NOw, how does it all turn out? I'd like to think this is what will happen:
Someone in the republican camp will finally break down and break the code of silence. He/she will turn themselves in to the FBI and give evidence that Bush personally engineered 9/11 under pressure from his father and Dick Cheney. The story will be told how on the day of the event, Bush lost his nerve and wanted to confess what he'd done but Cheney slapped him in the face sending him crashing into a coffee table. The story was of course sanitized to a pretzle choking story. George Bush will be on the cover of Time Magazine in April of 2005, wearing an orange jumpsuit and handcuffs. Dick Cheney will commit suicide.
John Kerry will then quietly go about his business, handing over the reins of power in america to unaccountable corporations and letting poor people die.
No one will ever admit that they voted for George Bush in 2004.
The end.
The only thing I think he got wrong was how many justices will resign -it will only be 4. If you would like to read the full text or comment on it click here