OK, all you Kossack whingers! I don't even have to see our president's "final" 60-second ad buy --which promises the unvarnished (dare I say, "unplugged"?) W -- to know there are so many reasons to vote for him, which you all obviously haven't considered. So here's my list, kinda-Letterman style (thus the reverse order numbering).
- Lower healthcare costs: because the unavailability of flu shots saves me money that I can spend on something else.
- Environmental protection: because the best way to prevent forest fires is to cut down the trees, really.
- Education reform: because the anxiety over one-size-fits-all standardized testing is good character building for our schoolkids.
- The job market: because I like fast food, and I don't want to have to wait too long in line.
- Energy: because solar panels clash with the architectural elements of too many house designs.
- Gay unions: because presents are expensive and I don't want to increase my gift-giving exposure.
- Iraqi War: because I appreciate what the president is doing to make sure that hundreds of thousands of young people get that "overseas experience," unlike his own youth.
- Scientific advances: because who cares about itty bitty stem cells when I can be on a manned flight to MARS?
- War on Terror: because apparently some employers have come to rely on illegal immigrants, and I wouldn't want them to be inconvenienced with tighter border security.
- Culture: because I don't want to see Jon Stewart lose his job just because his prime source of material vanishes.
GO TEAM!!!! :)