LOS ANGELES (AP): George W. Bush, who has been falling behind in the newspaper-endorsement race, picked up a surprise victory today with the endorsement of Punch Line, a trade journal for comedians, satirists and stand-up comics.
Eschewing the tepid tone of many of Bush's endorsements, the publication's board heaped praise on the President. "This man may very well be the funniest thing ever to happen to America. `George W. Bush, Leader of the Free World.' You can't even say it without laughing." Bush has provided a bonanza of material for comics, says the board, pointing to his dodging of the Vietnam-era draft, coke sniffing, choice of reading material, and frequent bloopers. The high point of his tenure so far, according to the editors, was his now-famous reference to gynecologists "practicing their love" on women. The low point? Passing the 1,000th KIA in Iraq. "Dead soldier jokes don't play well, and we hope President Bush will learn from this and make every effort to keep such reports from dominating the news cycle in future."
The endorsement sharply criticized Senator Kerry for being "literate" and "well-spoken". "We urge you to think carefully about what a Kerry presidency would look like. Imagine a President holding unscripted news conferences and giving intelligent responses to reporters. Imagine Clinton without the sex jokes; Carter without the peanut jokes; FDR without the cripple jokes."
Surprisingly, the endorsement included no mention of politics. Editor-in-chief Steven Brooks acknowledged that he and his board oppose virtually all of the incumbent's policies, and that America would be better off with John Kerry in office. But, he explains, civic concern isn't enough to make him vote against his own economic interests. "A Kerry victory would take food out of my kids' mouths. I'm not some dumb rube from Kansas," Brooks says.