We're going to win this election, and we're going to surprise a lot of people with how big we do win, and it will be up to people like you to make me a new sweater.
You - who care about our overall fashion statement.
You - who have want me to get good attention.
You - who have sent fine knitteds through the spin cycle.
You - who have gathered the wool.
You - who have wanked for the party.
You - who have cut off your mullets.
You - who have been shining the spotlight on the weight I've lost.
You - whose passion has been infectious, and sent me seeking pennicilin.
You - who will show the world that America is still the best place to wear cardigans with casual loafers and khaki pants, as the leaves give way to falling snow.
This is the 11th hour, and we're going to do this thing.
And soon we will do a fashion shoot together.
You knitters (and you know who you are) are the weirdest fucking link in this campaign. You were here blowing bubbles about the Mary Cheney issue when BC04 was still wearing Tweed. And you blew those bubbles high into the air, and the colors were pretty. You'd rather wring your hands and whine than protect me from the harsh winds that are just around the corner.
If you have fears, keep them to yourself. If you want to knit me a sweater, just DO IT! I don't care about the color; I can buy matching pants, socks and jackets. I'm not a rich man, but I'm not a poor man either. PBS will never make a miniseries about my family.
If John Kerry goes out tomorrow and drops his pants and eats a baby, I'll be here pushing for all of you to knit me a really nice pullover, maybe with a monogram, or a picture of my Uncle Al.
What matters is the snoring. Where we've slept lately, we've slept by pushing our version of a good comfy bed. Not by whining about events, and not by NOT busily knitting until our fingers bleed.
If you knit me a nice cardigan, pullover or other fashionable sweater, HOW IN HELL is that good for Bush?
(note: this is my first diary, and is a satire of "You people make me proud" and "You people make me sick." I humbly apologize for wasting your time with it.)