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From a lovely little shack in the STATE OF CALIFORNIA ...
Apologies to Bill in Portland Maine for jumping in here without asking, but let's face it ... he's taking the day off, and god knows I have the time.
It's an absolutely stunning day in Santa Barbara. It's supposed to reach 68 degrees (don't hate me because I'm warm). The cooked turkey dinner is awaiting pick-up, as is a stack of movies. I have two happy cats, a prepaid long distance card (if I should feel like chatting with anyone), and permission (from myself) to take a nap whenever I like.
On with the show ...
"My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people."
-- Orson Welles
"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."
-- W.C. Fields
"I don't generally feel anything until noon; then it's time for my nap."
-- Bob Hope
"I feel that if a person can't communicate, then the very least he can do is to shut up."
-- Tom Lehrer
Zoinks and Yoinks starts in the Extended Copy section... [Zooof!] RIGHTNOW! [Splange!!]
Zoinks and Yoinks for Thursday, November 25, 2004
By the numbers:
Days since last earthquake: 5 (2.9 magnitude)
Days 'til Summer Solstice: 208
One gallon of gas (at the cheap place): $2.35
Time the Governator was in office before contemplating the presidency: 20 minutes
How long it's going to take him to balance the state budget: "Suck it up, girly-man."
Percentage of young women groped on Tokyo trains: 64% (hey, wasn't Arnold just there?)
New!! Incredibly cute kitty pic. TURN YOUR SPEAKERS DOWN. Incredibly annoying sound file embedded.
ZOINKS to the NBA for suspending Ron Artest for fighting. Imagine how much trouble he'd be in if he didn't hit like a girl.
YOINKS to BushCo, and the almost doubled level of child malnutrition in Iraq since we invaded. Just wait till word gets back about Depleted Uranium.
Also.
And.
ZOINKS to imported Smart Cars, and the joyous sound of the phrase "60 miles per gallon." I'll probably go with bio-diesel though, due to my love of large camping vehicles, but when the gas finally runs out for good, that Smart Car will make a nice little planter.
ZOINKS to Ozzie Osbourne's last few brain cells as they rallied for one last hurrah and sent him flying after a jewel thief, who only escaped by jumping out a 30 foot high window. When asked if he'd do it again, Ozzie said "Ovf ma blahsza, hem shil gaffa bloffa-baaaa."
They're now offering a reward.
YOINKS to Congress for approving this anti-abortion clause buried in the omnibus spending bill. In case you're wondering, Omnibus means "Everybody ... On The Fucking Bus!"
ZOINKS to this NYC lottery winner. I don't know what kind of guy he is, but I LOVE the idea of someone winning the lottery a month after filing for bankruptcy.
ZOINKS to Congress for blocking the funding of the Robust Nuclear Earth Penetrator (ooh baby, what a name) which they want to build. I believe this should be the official, and mandatory, suppository of the Bush administration.
YOINKS to exploding cell phones. "You get it" ... "No you get it" ... "No you get it" ... "No way man."
YOINKS to the impending Bush induced Economic Armageddon. They're already trying to kill what's left of the planet, and now they're trying to bankrupt us on purpose.
YOINKS to the Creationists: "Oh, please, I did not evolve from that." "But my darling ... I can hardly tell you apart."
ZOINKS to time wasting games like Mini-putt My best score is 21. Yes, I can prove it ... and no, I haven't been able to do it again.
And finally:
CHEERS to Bill in Portland Maine for doing Cheers and Jeers every day. It is obviously a labor of love, and I applaud him for it. I hope he doesn't feel I've intruded, and I have no intention of doing this every time he says he's taking a day off. I just wanted to have a little fun, kill a little time, and spread a little cheer.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone, and may the Universe, and your Deity of Choice (or lack thereof), smile upon you.
[editor's note, by Baldwiny] I tried to fix my gaffe in the poll. It doesn't seem to want to change.