Hi folks. At this point, I am through most of my anger and ready to think about how to be more successful next time. I work as a social worker and psychotherapist and I have a mostly cognitive-behavioral approach. Basically, I try to help people make changes in their thinking and behaviors so they can meet their goals in life. One C-B approach I use is outlined in Miller & Rollnick's
Motivational Interviewing: Preparing Poeple to Change Addictive Behavior. While it has an addictions frame it is used by all sorts of therapists who work with people reluctant or ambivalent about change. More below the fold.
Motivational Interviewing, or MI, is a fairly complex theory, but I'm going to try to explain some of the basic ideas and how I try to use them with conservative people in my life to help them think/behave more liberally (what can I say, it's a hobby!). MI uses a Stages of Change model to help the clinician decide where a client is regarding their motivation. There are basically five stages of change: Pre-Contemplative, Contemplative, Preparation, Action, and Maintentance. Only the first four apply to our situation here, and I am combining them.
Pre-Contemplative - this is someone who has "drunk the kool-aid". They're happy being Conservative. All you want to do with this person is validate their feelings and give them information. No arguing, no trying to persuade. Just a steady stream of facts that point out inconsistencies in his conservative/republican thinking, while validating his feelings when you can. Examples:
CONSERVATIVE: "Gays getting married just seems wrong; people in Massachusetts just don't respect the institution of marriage the way WE do"
LIBERAL: "Yeah, it would be a big change to make and is a little scary. Although, "liberal" Massachusetts has the lowest divorce rate in the nation"
Contemplative This is someone who is starting to think that MAYBE their conservative world-view might be a bit off, or missing something. When someone is contemplative, you can sometimes move them to the Preparation/Action stage. Sometimes not. They are unhappy or showing signs of dissatisfaction with the way something is working. WIth these people I try to "work the ambivilance" to magnify it. You want to try to get the person to start thinking "there needs to be a change" without telling them what needs to change. You're not telling them what to do. Get it? Here's an example:
CONSERVATIVE: "Oh, God, Bush needs another 80 Billion for the war. This is getting crazy!"
LIBERAL: "80 Billion? Really??"
CONSERVATIVE:"Yeah, this is whacked.. "
LIBERAL: "Geez, where do you think Congress is going to get the money? With the recent tax cuts for top earners, the gov't is actually taking in less money now."
CONSERVATIVE: "Christ! That's right! No Way... something's gotta change..."
The example above shows the person moving from "Ambivalence" to "Preparation/Action". They're now prepared to think/act differently re: their politics. If the liberal doesn't over-react or get too pushy, by launching into a speech about everything that's wrong with the Republican Party, the conservative may continue to be open to new ideas that could be gently introduced by the liberal over a period of time.
Obviously, this move doesn't always happen. But the liberal can increase the odds of it happening by not blaming - the conservative, Bush or the Republicans, etc... That just puts the conservative on the defensive. And as long as they are busy defending their opinions, they cannot become ambivalent, and their ambivalence cannot change into Preparation/Action
It's important to remember with this approach to be non-manipulative. When you start out by being respectful of their point of view, you minimize resistance to your ideas. When you agree with what you honestly can agree with ("Yup, some people DO cheat the welfare system and it's maddening.")you make them feel listened to , and it becomes safer for them to explore a different world view with you.
This approach also takes time. Change is hard. Remember that you may be asking someone to give up cherished ideals (however misguided or naive you may think they are). You may be asking someone to take a big psychological step away from their family or community.
I hope people find this helpful. Didn't mean to get all "touchy-feely" on everyone, but I'm in "Action mode" right now and I hope these ideas from the wonderful Miller & Rollnick help other people make change happen!