In 1964, upon signing the Civil Rights Act which finally ended 200+ years of institutionalized political oppression of African Americans in the United States of America, Lyndon Johnson reportedly said "We've lost the South for a generation". This has historically been portrayed as a positive event in American history. Courageous, even. Sacrificing your own political power to finally ensure that American ideals could be applied to
all people seems to be an obviously moral act, unequivocally good.
But, given the amazing popularity of John Kerry, we may need to re-evaluate our support there. I mean come on, Johnson totally screwed up our "electability"!
Kerry, who started his political career by attacking Lyndon Johnson, is a master at electability. He makes no secret of the fact that it's a major reason why he's running for President! It may not be the sole reason for his candidacy (we're not sure what that is yet, but it's inspiring I'm sure), it sure is a powerful one. It's no secret: John Kerry is obviously the Democrat most attuned to what Americans
really want out of their Democratic candidates!
So we should listen to the guy. He knows better than us Deanie-Weenie-Babies that actually have the quaint but dumb idea that ideas matter in politics just as much as cookie-cutter notions of "electability". Just look at his bold stance on the war! (He's for it!) On gay rights! (He's against them!) On amending the Constitution to ensure specific Republican cultural goals are consecrated in law! (Oh you better believe he's for it!) Keeping taxes so low they necessitate deficit spending and imperil needed government programs! (Oh yeah, Kerry's a pioneer here!)
Now, now, some of this may not be popular with you effeminate Francophile elitist bastards who are out of touch with everything real middle Americans stand for, but we have to trust Senator Kerry here. He knows what he's doing! Rejecting major, long-standing aspects of liberal Democratic belief is the real definition of political courage.
But Kerry's missing the biggest stumbling block to electability of all! The Civil Rights act REALLY pisses off NASCAR dads, y'know? Heck, I bet we could get all those Reagan Democrats AND Dixiecrats back in one fell swoop with this bold gesture. The Democrats used to govern with an iron majority before that stupid act... I can't imagine why anyone would compromise our "electability" that way.
I know, I know, what about African-Americans? Won't they be pissed about this? Don't Americans have a duty to protect the civil rights of historically oppressed people? Isn't it our moral and ethical charge to ensure that the American ideals of freedom and opportunity are available to all people?
In a word: no. I mean geez, we haven't won a Southern state in forever and, as Senator Kerry said, we can win without them. And besides, all this emphasis on giving blacks rights is really scaring Middle America. It really hurts our "electability", which is all that matters. We really need to take the black issue away from the Republicans.
