Since the Bush Administration seems to think that dental records correlate to actual flight duty, I thought it was worth looking into this connection. It didn't take long for memory to take me back to my last checkup and how I played with the Flight Simulator program that the dentist's office kept out in the waiting room. That should have been the obvious tip-off, but at the time I hadn't made the connection. Or rather, the Bush Administration hadn't made the connection for me.
With that in mind, one good turn deserving another and all that, I decided that I would do a little spade work for the Bushies and look into this possibly sinister nexus of oral hygiene and airplane experience. After all, if Commander Codpiece's orthodontic history proves he'd been logging in his necessary National Guard pilot's work, then what about the Evildoers who seek to so harm our nation with their radical brand of fundamnetalist flossing?
Need you look any further than this man's obvious criminal swarthiness? That mustache alone guarantees he hates our freedoms to choose the toothpaste of our choice. Death to the infidel Aqua-Fresh his very visage shouts!
And look at all those papers underneath his picture, all those "reports" and "studies."They're all from Axis of Evil charter member, Iran!!! Surely all it would take is one vial, just one vial of the dreaded Islamic version of Listerine to bring a day of suffering like we've never known.
Need I remind you of Islamic dentistry's horrific past?
This is a religion with obvious evil intent upon our amber-waves-of-grain pearly whites.
And it is abundantly clear that they have infiltrated our Homeland.
I am only glad that the Bush Administration alerted me to this threat before it was too late. I hope this intelligence document makes its way clear to the top of the Administration.