I received the email below from a friend I've done organizing work with in the past. She gave me permission to post it here, but I do want to protect her--and her partner'--identity, so I've removed names and specific identifying information. Their story, though, helps to personalize the "issue" of same-sex marriage, to make it human. Please consider dropping a dime or two the NGLTF's way. They do great work. They're working with
MassEquality to fight back anti-marriage amendments here in MA, as well as with groups throughout the country.
Anyway, here's the letter:
Dear Family & Friends -
K. and I recently celebrated seven years of being together. On that occasion, we both reflected on how much we appreciate the support you provide to each of us and how very grateful we are for the love and support you have demonstrated during the time we have been together.
I am writing to you now to ask for your support in an additional way. As you undoubtedly know, the issue of same-sex marriage has sparked a national debate that reached a new pitch last week with President Bush's announcement that he would support a constitutional amendment. This amendment would ban not only same-sex marriage, but would also ban the provision of benefits through other mechanisms such as domestic partnership arrangements or civil unions. Whether or not this amendment is ever ratified, the President's announcement has already done significant damage to the climate for relationships such as ours. By raising his personal, religious, and/or political objections to same-sex marriage to the level of proposing a constitutional amendment, the President is saying that people such as K. and I are not to be fully included in the American community. Indeed, if the President had his way, his proposed amendment would codify prejudice and discrimination in the constitution in an unprecedented way. In addition to the national struggle regarding the proposed federal constitutional amendment, numerous conservative state legislators around the country are using the cover of the discussion about the federal amendment to push statewide initiatives that would achieve the same ends locally.
My hunch is that much of the last paragraph is not new to most of you, as there has much press coverage of these issues recently. My purpose in this letter is to give you a more personal view of the impact of this debate.
Last week, K. and I also celebrated the second anniversary of our commitment ceremony. As most of you know, we had a beautiful small ceremony with a dozen close family members and friends in the Florida Keys in February 2002. We said our vows to each other under a Chuppah made of my brother and father's tallit, and we sealed our commitment by exchanging wedding bands made from the ring my father gave my mother on their wedding day over 50 years ago. It was a powerful ceremony for us and for those in attendance. The ceremony bound us together as a couple in the context of family and friends who love us and who pledged to support our relationship through whatever challenges came our way.
When we returned home to the Twin Cities, we had a wedding blessing at our synagogue and completed the signing of our ketubah. A ketubah is a traditional Jewish wedding contract. Historically, in countries where Jewish weddings were not recognized by the local civil authorities, the ketubah was the only contract available to a Jewish couple. Given the lack of legal recognition for our relationship, the writing and signing of our ketubah was very special to us. It was something we did with great thought and care. Our ketubah now hangs on our bedroom wall. It is the first thing we see when we wake each morning reminding us of our promises to each other and how blessed we feel by our relationship. The ketubah was witnessed and signed by my mother, our dear friend L., K.'s siblings, and our Rabbi. Since that day, in every emotional and spiritual way possible, K. and I have been married.
However, on a daily basis we are reminded that we are not legally recognized as married. For example, we have had to make special arrangements for nearly every legal and financial aspect of our life together as a couple. These have ranged from insuring access to each other if one of us is hospitalized, to special mortgage arrangements, homeowners insurance, power of attorney for decision-making in case of emergency, plans concerning inheritance, and numerous of other issues. In all there are1049 benefits provided to couples who are "recognized" as married; benefits to which K. and I are either denied access or forced to create special alternative arrangements. Further, even when we have had access to some benefits, there are hidden costs due to our lack of legal status. For example, when K. was unemployed, we were able to keep her insured because I fortunately worked for an organization that provided domestic partner benefits. However, because we are not legally married and the IRS does not recognize our relationship, I was taxed for the value of her health insurance. Obviously, this increased my tax liability several thousands of dollars during a time when our family was already stressed financially.
K. and I have watched the events in Massachusetts, San Francisco, and elsewhere with great interest and hope. We yearn for the day that we can "legally" become Mrs. and Dr. K.M. (that's what K. calls us anyway:).
However, honestly, in all my years of working on GLBT issues, I have never been as worried and scared as I am now. The growing backlash and divisiveness about this issue has the potential of eroding the climate in which we live and the access to the few benefits we have. This is why I am reaching out to you now to stand with me as we face this next challenge.
There are a few specific things you can do to help....
- Talk to people close to you about what you know about same-sex couples. Tell them about your own life, the lives of your friends or family members, and/or feel free to tell them about K. and me. The more people know about the truth of our lives, the harder it will be for them to act and speak out of ignorance.
- Keep up to date about what is happening in this national debate. The easiest way to do this is to check out the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force's online resource: http://www.ngltf.org/marriagecenter/index.cfm
- Please support our national GLBT organizations. This struggle will take money... unfortunately lots of it. Specifically, I am asking you to support the National Gay & Lesbian Task Force. Founded in 1973, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force is the oldest national organization working to eliminate prejudice, violence and injustice against lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people at the local, state and national level. The Task Force trains activists and leaders and organizes broad-based campaigns to defeat anti-LGBT referenda and advance pro-LGBT legislation. The Task Force Policy Institute, the community's premiere think tank, researches and reports on critical policy issues. As part of a broader social justice movement for freedom, justice and equality, the Task Force is creating a world that respects and celebrates the diversity of human expression and identity where all people may fully participate in society.
As a demonstration of how important we think this issue is and how much we believe in this organization, K. and I have pledged $2,500 to the Task Force this year. (And you all know I don't make that much moneyJ !) In addition, I have personally pledged to raise $7,500 this year to support this work. This is where you come in. Please consider giving $50, $100, $250, $1,000 or whatever you can afford. I am asking for you to give as generously as you possibly can. To make a donation to support this work, please go to
https://www.ngltf.org/support/quick.htm
So that I don't identify the sender of this email, while at the same time helping her track donations, I'm asking y'all to do something specific. If you do donate, please write "Letter on DailyKos" in the "I'm making this gift in response to...." location. She's been kind enough to allow me to post this here, and this should help her track donations. It will also help the NGLTF--and local organizations--to fight off attempts to keep LGBT individuals out of the American family.
