August 6, 2001
From the Desk of the President of the United States
Dear 9/11 Commission Members,
I solemnly swear that if National Security Advisor Rice and I had received the following letter from Osama bin Laden on August 6th of 2001, I would have immediately had someone yank John Ashcroft off of that scaffold he was standing on while he was covering up the breasts of justice and had him personally cuff the bad guys at Logan Airport. I would have also sent Rummy down to Dulles to daze and confuse the hijackers there by just talking to them. That would have prevented 9/11 all right. But the actual PDB warnings of imminent hijackings in the United States and Al Qaeda members running around New York looking for buildings to bomb were just too vague for me to do anything about. I mean, it would have ruined my vacation. Someone's always bitching about something, if you excuse my French.
I hope that you can put this into the record. The American people need to know the truth.
Sincerely,
George W. Bush
THE President
****
Memorandum to 9/11 Commission Members from THE President of America
Here is the letter that we needed to stop 9/11, but Osama, that inconsiderate S.O.B., never sent it to me, even though I once sent him an autographed picture of me sitting in front of that pick-up truck without an engine that Karl has me pose in down on that ranch we bought just before being appointed President.
Dear Mr. Bush,
We are going to hijack four airliners, on Sept. 11, 2001, and fly them into the World Trade Towers and the Pentagon.
Oh, I forgot to mention, we would be hijacking them from Boston Logan Airport and another airport to be determined. I'm sorry I can't be more specific. (I know you prefor more specific information, but we have some details to work out yet. We will send you the names of the hijackers when we have reconfirmed our four teams and the flight numbers.)
Hope this helps.
With Sincerest Regards,
Osama