Week in Review, as seen on
seditious libel
1. Condi Rice consented to testify under oath and in public. Before the pressure got a little too high for the president, the Administration opposed this because:
a) Admitting that your national security priorities were entirely off base is really embarrassing.
b) Rice is reptilian and creepy.
c) They wanted to protect the integrity of Executive Privilege.
d) Without her in the office, the army of obfuscation is more of a militia.
2. John Kerry briefly disappeared from the the campaign trail in order to:
a) Have Botox injections shoulder surgery.
b) Tax
c) Spend
d) Wiffle
e) Waffle
f) Engage in a salacious but invigorating affair with VP hopeful John Edwards.
3. Congress passed "Laci and Connor's Law" making it illegal to kill a fetus in the course of committing a crime, proving that:
a) Small government means small government. Like, uterus small.
b) Bush is pimping himself to solidifying his support with the religious right.
c) This country's traditional fetal values will not be corrupted by those damn feminists.
d) Conservatives have no qualms about using a Lifetime worthy title to exploit tragedy for political gain.
4. Move over, Rush. Air America hits the airwaves!. This is great because:
a) Everyone loves to hear Al Franken talk about frequent urination.
b) By "unbiased," we really mean ideological bludgeoning from all sides.
c) It's always nice to have a new member in the Jewish liberal conspiracy media fold.
d) Democrats look better on radio.
5. Bush and Cheney will be appearing together before the 9/11 Commission because:
a) Sharing is caring.
b) After casting Kerry as the "International Man of Mystery," they decided to cast themselves as Ernie and Bert.
c) It's not fashionable to go stag to these things.
d) This White House is hella queer.
