Purely in the interests of removing Chimpy and his handlers, I declare the following cease-fire and cessation of armed hostilites between GorgeousOrifice (hereafter referred to as "I") and the campaign and person of one John F. Kerry, Democrat, Senator and candidate for President of the United States (hereafter referred to as "
Douchebag"):
Article I: State of War
Section 1.
WHEREAS,
I am appalled by the President of the United States' performance in office;
I supported one Howard Dean, M.D., of Vermont in his candidacy for the Democratic Party nomination of candidate for President of the United States;
I did so in large part because of Dean's opposition to the needless, wasteful, illegal and wrong invasion of the sovereign nation of Iraq ruled by the despot Saddam Hussein, his support for a balanced budget, and his desire to undo the damage done by the President to my civil rights;
Douchebag funded several anonymous political advertisements designed to undermine Dean's credibility on issues of national security;
Douchebag did not then and has not now given any plan for balancing the budget, withdrawing our nation's armed forces from the sovereign nation of Iraq, or undoing the damage done by the President to my civil rights;
I did declare war on Douchebag's candidacy and attacked him for his positions at every opportunity;
THEREFORE,
A state of war exists between Douchebag and I.
Article II: Desire To End Hostilities
Section 1.
WHEREAS,
I have decided that the removal of the President from office outweighs all other considerations;
I note from history that the candidacy of third parties and independent candidates is sadly not taken seriously by enough voters to stand a reasonable chance of winning;
I will not serve the best interests of myself or my country by selfishly withholding my vote from the only faction that may depose the President;
THEREFORE,
I have decided to vote for Douchebag in my state's presidential elector selection vote on November 2, 2004.
Article III: Declaration of Armistice, Cease-Fire, and Cessation of Hostilities
Section 1.
WHEREAS,
I cannot further the goal of deposing the President through the actions that I take while in a declared state of war;
I can further the goal of deposing the President by defending Douchebag from the baseless, misleading or false allegations thrown at him by the President's benefactors;
I find that with the passing of time my anger against Douchebag has lessened, though not abated;
THEREFORE,
I declare that, as of Douchebag's acceptance of his party's nomination as candidate for the office of President of the United States, expected to happen on the 29th of July of this year, that the state of war with Douchebag is thereby suspended;
that thereby hostilities between Douchebag and I will end;
thereby that I pledge not to attack Douchebag contingent on the terms in Article IV.
Article IV: Conditions of this Agreement
Section 1.
This agreement will expire at 12:01 AM on the 3rd of November, 2004, regardless of the outcome of the Presidential elector election of November 2nd.
Section 2.
This agreement may not be renounced or revoked once entered into.
Section 3.
Nothing in this agreement shall be construed to prohibit the expression of honest and resonable difference of opinion as shall occur between any two parties, provided that such expression is mature, respectful, and that does not further the ends of the President's reelection effort.
Section 4.
Nothing in this agreement shall be construed as an endorsement of Douchebag, or of his party, or of his platform, or of his selection of running mate, or of his campaign, or of his state's policies; nor shall it construe any lasting personal commitment to or affection for the same.
Section 5.
Other parties who are currently in a state of war with Douchebag are cordially invited to accept this declaration in whole by so indicating at the bottom.
SIGNED, this 22nd day of July, 2004 CE, by myself, GorgeousOrifice, and others.