Ah, it's summer in America, and the smell of flop sweat is in the air. Confidence in Chimpy McFlightsuit is dwindling, and the Republicans are getting desperate and angry.
My favorite part of this is when the real wingnuts start
screaming at the moderates. Here's one example of a wingnut complaining about the lineup of speakers at the Republican National Convention:
"The initial lineup was (New York Gov. George) Pataki, (California Gov. Arnold) Schwarzenegger, (former New York Mayor Rudolph) Giuliani and a bunch of pro-homosexual, pro-abortion people who we don't like and are, at heart, really Democrats," said Colleen Parro, director of the Republican National Coalition for Life.
Yes, that's the spirit. Tell the moderates in your party that they aren't true members of the party. Even though they run the party:
"The people who run the party and are deciding the lineup, the big-moneyed, Republican Rockefeller kind of people, don't represent the grassroots of the party."
For example, Gov. Bill Owens, who was elected co-chairman of the national platform committee. He runs the party, but he is clearly not a true Republican, because he and his wife are separated:
"Owens has left the conservative team," said Dave Crater, a delegate from El Paso County.
"As an example of a pro-family leader, I think he needs to focus on maintaining the integrity of his marriage," Kendal Unruh, a delegate from Castle Rock, said about Owens' separation from his wife, Frances.
Absolutely, because as I think we all know:
"The Scripture is very firm about not being able to trust someone who is involved in different areas of lifestyle. I feel that's part of who the governor is," said delegate Flora Rohrs, a housewife from Centennial.
Well said! You could be a preznent, if only you were a Bush. We need more governors who take multiple wives and stone the ones who turn out not to be virgins.
So, to recap: The conservatives, who are the only real Republicans, are angry with the moderate Republicans, who aren't really Republicans, although they run the party. They're trying to destroy the party they don't belong to from within, by doing terrible things like appealing to less conservative voters:
As at every GOP convention in recent history, conservatives aim to fiercely protect the party's official opposition to abortion. Many worry that party brass will try to change that position to appeal to moderate, swing voters thought to be vital for Bush's re-election.
Oh, why are they doing that?! They're going to ruin our party, just like the country club was ruined when they started letting in the hornbeaks.
And the grassroots faithful aren't alone in their righteous anger: 125 Republicans in Congress sent a letter to Bush complaining about how horribly moderate the key speakers are.
Gosh, it's going to be a fun convention.