Clinton Undergoing Massive Plastic Surgery in Time for Election
AP News Line
Friday Sept 10, 2004
by: Kilgore Trout
Sources close to people with an inside edge on those in Bill Clinton's inner circle say that he has recently undergone facial plastic surgery to look like John Kerry. Although officials have denied he has received any treatment other than the quadruple bypass surgery, some believe otherwise. "Yeah, he's disgusted with Kerry and I think he's ready to get back into the swing of things" an unnamed source said on Thursday, "Why do you think Carville is back?"
Kerry has recently taken quite a hit in popularity as polls show President Bush with a strong double-digit lead over the Massachusetts Senator. "He's gotta do something to shake things up, he's just dead out there" columnist George Will says. Many doubt Kerry can make a comeback. Political activist Ralph Nader today declared Kerry's campaign "doomed" and urged the public to get ready for 4 more years of the same old thing. "Where are the Democrats?" he asks.
There are many that doubt the new claims that Clinton has had surgery to look like John Kerry. "I mean, think about it, he'd never heal in time and, and, his voice is much different than John Kerry's. The whole story is rubbish, rubbish," says Kerry campaign manager Mary Beth Cahill. "By the way, exactly
WHO told you about this?"
Others are not quite so dismissive. " I mean, just think about the shot of adrenaline that the charisma of Bill Clinton would give to this campaign. It would be a landslide victory," says political consultant Joe Trippi. But he cautioned others against believing the new accusations "Okay, you have to ask yourself this: would Clinton undergo plastic surgery to look like John Kerry just so he could be President again?" After a few moments, Trippi admitted that he couldn't honestly answer the question.
Medical specialists have mulled the possibility of the surgery. Palm Beach plastic surgeon Paul Galackowitz says the chances of a successful operation of this magnitude are slim, but possible. "Well, it depends on exactly what was changed, but depending on when the procedure was actually done, it is possible that the scars would heal enough to at least be concealed with makeup."
Sources say Clinton had not been seen for weeks before the announcement of the heart condition.
Voter reaction on the story is mixed."Oh it's totally possible, yeah. And in fact, now that I know that voting for Kerry is actually voting for Clinton, I may actually get out on the 2nd(of November)" says formerly undecided voter Kelly Raines of Tawneetown, PA." I hated Clinton."
Swing-state voter Tom Reynolds was optimistic however, " More Clinton? Sounds good to me. At least I had a fuckin job in the 90's."