None of which is to excuse my lackadaisicalness in reaching out to the DKos community. Lackadaisicalness, is that even a word? If not it is now! I've been meaning to chime in here and there for quite some time now. Feels like eons, except that I'm one of the few who actually knows what an eon feels like.
Anyhoo, it has come to my attention recently that some of you have begun to notice, shall we say, certain inconsistencies in terms of how the fabric of existence seems to be playing out, and I just wanted the opportunity to say, "My bad!"
I haven't always been so shy, but I guess at this point I find it hard to get that fire in the belly feeling sometimes. It wasn't always that way. I used to burn with inspiration. Literally. I'm going back a ways now, but sometimes I'd be so amazed with the shit I had just pulled I'd turn to my right and I'd be all "CHECK ME OUT!!!" And of course at that point there was no one even there to share it with, which pretty much sucked, I'm sure you can imagine. If someone had told me how fucking cold and lonely the Cosmos was going to be when I was drawing up the plans, I really might have thought twice. I really would. Which is basically where part of the whole biodiversity thing came out of. I was pretty much just riffing at the time, you know, and it ends up it just kind of got out of control.
So I don't want to drag this out into some big mea culpa crybaby tirade, but there are a few apologies I need to get to. First of all:
Male nipples -- true story: I was momentarily distracted by wormhole density issues and I just plain fucking forgot how stupid they would end up looking. So sorry for that, believe me if you knew what it would entail to undo that little slip, you'd tell me "DON"T go there!"
Whale penises -- again, me on a roll, Cetaceans, just trying to see how big the muthafuckers can get, when I realize, shit now how they gonna, you know... procreate? I dunno, I was rushed for time and I just went with the most obvious choice. Embarrasing, I know. Don't hate me for it.
Tectonic Plates -- OK work with me on this, because you gotta understand from my vantage point they are a thing of beauty, but I can see how for y'all they can get your panties in a bunch. So, sorry `bout that. We'll all just have to deal.
Religious Fundamentalism -- at first it gave me kind of a head rush and all, but now I have to admit it's become more of a big annoying migraine. The Relpax two-bottle version. (In the interest of full disclosure, let it be known that Relpax and I have a little agreement) Sometimes, I really would like to have a break and take a vacation from it all, but trust me, whenever I try to get away, it's like "Been There. Done That."
What else? My mind's kinda wandering right now. Oh yeah the Devonian period. What was I thinking? Also comet-borne retroviruses. That's just me showing off. Joan Rivers. I'll be a few millennia living that one down. South American Fire Ants. No real reason. No real reason at all. Double-headed babies. I'll admit it. I was pissed off about something. Now I don't even remember what. Plus you gotta believe me, if I had known there wouldn't be enough biomass back in the day to convert to petroleum for when it was y'all's turn to use it, I would have tweaked the recipe to make more.
Anyway, I'm gonna take a nap for a few centuries, so until you figure out the whole cryopreservation and time travel tip, let me just say to you today: I fucked up. I know. I'm sorry. There's plenty I didn't cover, but I never claimed to be infallible. That's for losers. In fact I've never claimed shit, all reports to the contrary. I suppose if I had it to do all over again...wait a minnit. That gives me an idea...
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