You may remember from last time, Yahwe--I mean DeityFromCt, had just announced his candidacy for Deity-in-Chief against the cunning, amoral incumbent, George W. Lucifer.
Only Satan would start a war of the tragic proportions of the the War in Iraq, under false pretences, and then keep piling lie atop lie just in order to win reelection.
Still, he's one tough hombre on the campaign trail and Yah--I mean DeityFromCt has a long record thats pretty difficult to defend--that is, he alone is responsible for the creation of humanity, and Lucifer will not let him forget the long history of humanity's ruinous folly during the campaign.
CAREFUL THERE DONKEYBUTT (none/0)
Flos suspended access to your diary the last time you pulled this crap of making up diary threads...MQOSOC has not backslid on her promise to stop smoking and she most certainly is not the depraved junkie that you portrayed in your vile depiction. It deserved banning, and you sir are nothing but a troll. If you werent so old I would kick your ass and then ban you.
Why just using the words "Paris Hilton" and "the Madonna" in the same sentence is grounds for banishment from DFLOS, not to mention from the Holy Apostolic Church. You are so lucky that Flos is such a temperate, considerate dear leader, unlike the Pope, that he has allowed you another chance and now you are blowing it!
Besides, when bipm posts his "Tears and Fears Monday" no one will pay attention to you anyway.
---Lorenzo
CAN'T WE JUST LEARN (none/0)
to laugh at ourselves. just a little bit? After all, I Donkeybutt, am a certified Yoga Instructor as well as a Zen Master. I studied at the feet of the great modernmaster Gingkobiloba Suzuki, the founder of the Zen Center in San Francisco, before he discovered he was gay and turned the Center into one of those Asian- American fusion bistros that are more popular than Dennys nowadays in that dead zone of fakery better known as "California."
The foods okay, but the decor is beyond tasteful...don't even try for a reservation before 10 pm on weekends...
But I digress....as a Zen Master, I am trained to notice such things, and I must say that the Daily Floss has so much bad karma attached to it that the purported cause for which we are all fighting, the election of Howard Dean, will NEVER be accomplished until ALL FLOSSACKS perform a simultaneous, perfect practice of zazen.
In other words, Dean is cheesetoast, electorally speaking.
I Donkeybutt, am trying to singlehandedly turn the tide by practicing the only known short cut to nirvana....that is the practice of constant, cutting laughter that speaks to an underlying, universal truth.
I see myself as the Fool in King Lear, the only one to recognize the monstrous folly at hand, and the only one who can speak the unvarnished truth to the King without being troll rated out right out of the Play.
---Donkeybutt
WELL YOU ARE RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING (none/0)
But its not the laughter or the ability to recognize and communicate unvarnished, universal truth.
You are simply a Fool! And your shit is not that funny, either...thats why we have "Tears and Fears" as a regular feature...makes us laugh together, not at each other....
---Lorenzo
NO TEARS AND FEARS TODAY (789,543,009,987,985/4.00)
"My Billy is not posting today. He is out in the woods training our personal battalion of gay storm troopers who we have secretly recruited on DFLOS by diabolically sending subliminal messages out in the body of each "Tears and Fears." Its just about time for the gay takeover of America, suckers!
My Billy is such a genius, not only a noted actor, writer and businessman, but a military genius, too. Who would have known? He's drilling the battalion in the classical military strategy of von Clausewitz, with the classical mechanized blitzkrieg strategy of Joachim von Ribbentrop, and updated with the modern hand to hand combat techniques and uniform couture of Liza von Minnelli.
Our first battle plan has the gay battalion marching south from Portland, Me to Washington DC for the inauguration to protest the lack of safe, legal public cruising zones and the overall tackiness of the Rethuglican Inaugural, in general. Those Texas women with the big hair just have no idea how to throw a party!
We plan to set up a memorial cruising zone around the Lincoln Memorial in order to pay our respects to this nation's greatest gay president...
We are having a problem, though... figuring out the logistics of marching a battalion of gay men straight through Boston AND NYC without losing a substantial number to "other" pursuits...
---MikeyinPortlandMaine
BULLSHIT, PURE BULLSHIT (12,394,098/4.00)
Okay, so I wasnt taking much bling doing that gig at the jazz station in Harlem. So I let Floss convince me to move out here to help out on weekends, so he could spend more time with his family. HA!
So I hitch and ride freight trains all the way out here, lured by the success of Daily Floss and a chance at (finally) getting to the top of big time bohemia.
Well guess what?? By working weekends, Floss really meant that I'm doing the laundry, changing the diapers, and answering the ad hominem attacks on his character for him like some cheap consigliere.
And by the way, where's the $10.00 per hour that he promised me?
---Kid Auckland
I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE OUT (999,999,999/4.00)
How to make a buck off this thing...when I do, everybody will get paid, I promise...just my luck, me a waifish, innocent naive American citizen soldier with a law degree who was raised in Bogota, just my luck to start a little blog, just a place that I hoped would showcase my political consulting skills so I could get hired as a media consultant by someone who could save the Democratic Party, someone like a Howard Dean, and the fucking thing ends up bigger than the Beatles....and there is no way to make a f ing dime off it that I can see!
---Flos
PLUS THE BABY NEEDS FORMULA AND DIAPERS (none/0)
And I am sick of using those environmentally correct cotton diapers. They stink up the apartment and I keep sticking the safety pins in the baby's butt. I want some Pampers!
---Senora Flos
WHY DON"T YOU CHARGE THE FLOSSACKS WHO USE YOUR BLOG TO SHAMELESSLY WHORE THEIR DIARIES, BLOGS, CAUSES, PRODUCTS, WHATEVER, A PER USE FEE? (none/0)
N/T
---Donkeybutt
FLOSS WOULD NEVER CONSIDER SUCH A CLASSLESS ACT (none/0)
Besides there is just chump change in that...what he is going to do is force all political contributions, all products like Tee shirts and videos, sold and collected thru DFLOS to use his credit card processing company. He then gets a nice little percentage of each transaction made online here at DAILY FLOS, your progressive super trinket store.
You realize how much money we raised for candidates in the last election cycle? And those tee shirts for the 52 Capital March? The march went nowhere but that guy sold like a half million tees at $24.99 per!
Floss wants his piece. He's got a family to raise, you know."
---Lorenzo
BROTHERS AND SISTERS (345,674,098,126/4.00)
The United Church of Christ has hit a crossroads. The feds have uncovered our little scheme to take bling off unwitting Church of Christ fundies, who mistakenly send their donations to UCC because the names of our churches are so similar. Los Federales de los fascistos are forcing us to change our name again.
What do you think about United Catholic Church? It allows us to keep "UCC" and think of all the additional property, stocks, and cash we will collect from all those unwitting little Catholic widows?
Why should the Pope and Mel Gibson be the only ones to nab the succor?
After all, I ve got Mrs. pastorrodan and a mortgage you know. No freebies like that other Catholic Church hands out to its priests...they get room, board and nice catholic women who come in and do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry gratis....
C'mon Brothers and Sisters...lets gather some real bling in the starving pastor's tip jar!
---pastorrodan
DON'T FORGET FLOSS'S CUT (999,999,999/4.00)
This website doesnt run by itself, you know, (although Flos explicitly and implicitly disavows responsibility, in whole or in part, for any action, vice, crime or mortal sin committed as a result of any use, misuse of, or the addiction to, Daily Floss...)
---Lorenzo
BROTHERS AND SISTERS (568,423,096,523/4.00)
The United Catholic Church has just released its second television commercial. Since the first one was banned by the Rethuglican SCLM, we are issuing this one straight to DVD.
For only $19.95 this timely and uplifting message of hope can be yours. Buy several copies and distribute them to your friends as gifts. Even your fundie friends will be impressed by the scene where a phalanx of niteclub bouncers beats Jesus to a glorifying, bloody pulp, as he tries to enter SueEllen's, the popular Dallas lesbian niteclub, to minister to the thousands of sick straights who feel "progressive" by crashing the gay scene on Thursday nights...
The stunning cinematography shows the bleeding and dazed Jesus like no other holy depiction! Its way more graphic than "Passion of the Christ," and you will be putting bling directly into the good hands of pastorrodan and the Mrs., not into the hands of Mel Gibson and whatever Hollywood tootie he's abusing these days.
---pastorrodan
YES (none/0)
And have your credit cards ready folks!
---Lorenzo