Dr. James Dobson only scratched the surface when he pointed to the use of cartoon characters to promote tolerance--uh, excuse me, that's the wrong word. We meant to say "THE GAY LIFESTYLE." 'Cause once you, know, you start saying it's okay to be gay, you then say it's okay for a guy to marry his German Shepherd or for people to commit incest. Right, Senator Santorum?
We're not sayin' it will happen. But it could happen. You can never tell.
In fact, this kind of depraved indoctrination has been going on for years, starting in the 1970s, when ads for sugary cereals were a staple of kids' Saturday mornings, along with
The Shazam/Isis Hour and
The Scooby-Doo Laff-a-Lympics. One can wax eloquent about the subliminal message of Scooby's innumerable spinoffs (if one could quit wishing for Scrappy to be hit by a bus and start thinking straight), but one cannot ignore that perhaps the most insidious brainwashing took place during the commercial breaks, when seemingly loveable mascots promoted less-than-savory messages to schoolchildren.
Take the occult references in each Count Chokula, Boo-Berry, and Franken Berry cereal box. These advertising icons picked up where The Groovie Ghoulies left off in making supernatural, satanic figures appear harmless, cute, adorable, and even fun. The children who begged their parents to buy Count Chokula became the goths and punks of the 1980s. This is not a coincidence.
"Follow my nose, wherever it goes!" This was the rallying cry of Toucan Sam, Froot Loop's mascot, a rather effeminate bird who distributed colorful beaks to children as he led them to a rainbow land of multi-flavored, multi-colored cereal. Today's Froot Loops are all the colors of the rainbow--red, orange, yellow, green, blue, and purple. Just like the rainbow colors seen in Gay Pride parades. This is not a coincidence either.
Frequently, ambisexual elves have been used to promote cereals: think of Lucky of Lucky Charms and Snap, Crackle, and Pop, the Rice Krispies icons. This choice is a specific rejection of traditional masculinity, which undermines the role of father figures in traditional families.
Hanna-Barbera's Snagglepuss represented Cocoa Krispies in the early to mid-1960s. Snagglepuss has strangely flown under the radar in recent years as religious conservatives have begun searching for homosexual subtext in children's entertainment. This is probably unintential oversight on their part, but it is a reminder that this subliminal acceptance of the gay lifestyle is nothing new.
Finally, we should not forget that Spongebob Squarepants himself has his own line of cereal.
It is time for religious conservatives who care about their children to become more vigilant. To this end, they can start purchasing cereals like Wheaties (lots of athletes on the boxes), Corn Flakes (that chicken along with pictures of celebrities), and Quaker Oats (featuring a religious man on the box! How can one go wrong?).
The moral: Sugar-coated cereals can rot more than just children's teeth.