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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Telling Brooks where to stick it...
In David Brooks's looking-glass world, the "urban and university-town elite" Democrats myopically pursue their own self-interest while Republicans earn electoral majorities by rubbing elbows with all varieties of the common man.
Mr. Brooks reduces the word "educated" to just another brand-name affiliation. In fact, educated people tend to ponder the lessons of history, pursue logic and reason over superstition and fear, and exhibit curiosity and compassion toward people with lives far different from their own.
Education---the driving force behind American social mobility---imparts skills and economic success unrelated to the status of one's paternal line. Why would any American take up the rallying cry of an uneducated constituency that duly elects a posse of anti-intellectual leaders?
Rebecca Carman, 2/8/05
Letter to the New York Times
Cheers and Jeers' paternal line extends into the Extended Entry Section... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, February 9, 2005...
By the Numbers:
Days `til DNC chair vote: 4
Days `til Valentine's Day: 5
Percent of Americans' annual income spent on food in 1950: 17%
Percent of Americans' annual income spent on food today: 6%
(Source: Forbes)
Amount Hollywood studios made domestically in 2004: $11.4 Billion
Amount that was made off of crappy movies: $11.1 Billion
Inches of snow expected in Portland, Maine by Friday morning: 12-15"
Number of letters in "Woohoo!!": 6
Your Puppy Pic of the Day First in line at the Great Dane Wet Bar: http://www.greatdane.ru/puppies/photos/137_32_200502080512.jpg. (Nice grandpa lips, Junior)
CHEERS to a Happy Chinese New Year! It's the Year of the Rooster (if your birthday is a multiple of 12, that means you). Roosters are flamboyant, hard-working, independent and proud. They also poop all over the place, so watch your step around 'em.
JEERS to eating dirt from the cardboard box you call home. From a front-page article in this morning's Portland Press Herald re: Bush's budget cuts: "Maine neighborhoods with crumbling sidewalks, soup kitchens dependent on every donated can of food, and people struggling to find affordable housing all stand to lose under Bush's plan to reduce funding for community development programs by one-third." Congress needs to take this heartless pile of numbers and beat it with a stick until it's dead.
CHEERS to the Whiskey Bar. Well, hello, stranger! We thought Kos alumnus Billmon had folded up shop and retreated into a booze-soaked life of finger-painting and toaster repair. So we were punch-drunk happy to find out he's still blogging the night away...http://billmon.org/. Yabba Dabba Doo, indeed.
CHEERS to Susan Estrich. On TV she sounds like the love child of Harvey Fierstein and Carol Channing, but her voice as a left-leaning writer is usually clear as a bell. Here she makes the case for Howard Dean as DNC chair: http://www.creators.com/opinion_show.cfm?columnsName=ses. P.S.---C&J regrets the visual of Harvey Fierstein and Carol Channing doing the nasties.
JEERS to Condiplomacy. "Hey, Europe, I know we've been telling most of you to fuck off for the last four years, but can't we be friends? Because, y'know, we need stuff from you now. Money and stuff." She's smooth. Very, very smooth.
CHEERS to fast reflexes. Fire broke out at the home of 10 year-old Chad Ingalls in Limington, Maine. He rolled on the floor, crossed the hallway on his stomach, and dragged his two sleeping siblings downstairs and out into the yard before his parents emerged from their bedroom. Earning him an automatic "no noogies for life" pass from his sibs.
JEERS to slow reflexes. A fire alarm just went off in our office. Everybody looked at each other, shrugged, and went back to work. But C&J was just following Commandment #11: Thou Shalt Not Miss Thy Opportunity To Be Rescued By A Hunky Fireman.
JEERS to feeling Andy's pain. On January 9, 1825, the House of Representatives voted to elect John Quincy Adams (actually Anthony Hopkins in a bald wig) president. Adams won fewer popular votes than Andrew Jackson in the 1824 election, but the electoral vote was tied so...so... God, I hate that electoral college.
JEERS to corn hucksters. LOOK OUT!! NUMISMATIST FEEDING FRENZY!!! Some Wisconsin state quarters have an extra leaf on the corn stalk, and they're selling for hundreds of dollars on eBay: http://www.usatoday.com/money/2005-02-08-flawed-quarter-usat_x.htm?POE=NEWISVA. That's nothin'. Our quarter has the Virgin Mary's face in the cheese wheel. Early retirement...here we come!
CHEERS to couch potatoes. A new survey shows that people who don't subscribe to the bean-sprouts-and-triathlons lifestyle are pretty darn happy with life: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6909463/. And that's what counts, so...chill on.
JEERS to sticking your nose in other people's underwear. The Virginia House passed a measure that bans lewd displays of people's backsides: http://home.hamptonroads.com/stories/story.cfm?story=81828&ran=100067. Which explains why all the plumbers are fuming this morning.
JEERS to flying boxcars. American Airlines is yanking pillows from its domestic flights in a cost-cutting move expected to save $375,000 per year. They're the size of a CD case, germ-infested, and filled with something that feels like broccoli. And if they don't put `em back we'll never fly that airline again.
CHEERS to 1/300th notes. On this date in 1992, Thomas School of Germany became the fastest yodeler alive, delivering 22 tones and 15 falsettos in 1 second. They're still trying to pull his uvula out of his sinus cavity.
CHEERS to cloaking devices. The Army is trying out uniforms with a new camouflage scheme that makes them virtually invisible: http://news.mywebpal.com/news_tool_v2.cfm?show=localnews&pnpID=722&NewsID=609254&Categor
yID=11570&on=1. So be very careful before you take your next leak in the woods.
JEERS to licking one for the Gipper. Oh well, it was inevitable---the Ronald Reagan stamp debuts at your local post office today: http://www.firstcoastnews.com/money/news-article.aspx?storyid=32192. Thank god for e-mail.
CHEERS to Tippeca...ca...cachoo! Happy 222nd birthday to #9 William Henry "Tippecanoe" Harrison. He yammered on and on during his inaugural address without an overcoat, caught a cold, and died 32 days later. Pay your respects to the silly blockhead here: http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&GRid=452&pt=William%20Harrison. P.S.---Gesundheit.
CHEERS to oral hygiene. Turns out brushing your teeth helps kill heart disease-causing bacteria, which means fewer heart attacks: http://www.technewsworld.com/story/Saving-Lives-with-Healthy-Gums-40398.html. If I could just get close enough to Bush with a tube of Crest...
CHEERS to belatedly getting rocked. A couple weeks ago we bought the `Queen's Greatest Hits' CD. Our respect for Freddie Mercury's rock anthems and goofy ditties (`Bicycle?') has increased ten-fold. And `Under Pressure' speaks volumes to us when it's 10 O'clock on a weekday morning and C&J isn't done yet.
One Year Ago in Cheers and Jeers---Bush appears on Meet the Press:
JEERS to curious priorities, Part I. When asked why he is the first president since Lincoln to "drain money from the Treasury" during wartime with tax cuts, Bush responds: "I'm more worried about the fellow looking for the job. That's what I'm worried about." One minor quibble: job-seekers here aren't getting blown up by bombs in donkey carts.
JEERS to curious priorities, Part II. The President mentioned Saddam 21 times by name, and 6 times as a "madman." He mentioned Osama...once.
JEERS to history repeating itself. Bush says, "The thing about the Vietnam War that troubles me as I look back was it was a political war. We had politicians making military decisions." I see. So You, Condi, Colin, Don, Karl, et al. are just funky friends in a garage band tryin' to "keep it real." Rock on.
And just one more...
JEERS to seething rivalries that get out of hand: http://www.mattsfunhouse.com/gallery/work/ups_vs_fedex. Damn...that's gonna hold up delivery of my monthly plain, unmarked package (I hope the dry ice holds up).
Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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