Republicans collapse talking points into single, talking Ur-Point.
Today Republican master-strategist Frank Luntz revealed a new tool in the Republican strategy book. One that in his words would: "Blow the living shit out of the pussy-whipped voters of moron America. See? It's so good, I'm confident that I can insult American voters at will."
President Bush unveiled the new Talking Point at a press conference later on in the morning. He began: "My fellow poor, retarded Americans. I have but one thing to say to you: HitlerFreedomJesusTerror."
Reporters were puzzled as the surrounding crowd on inbred Republican hicks cheered in wild, deafening chorus, so violently happy that they began to tear each others eyes out. The reporters soon recovered:
"Mr. President, how does this respond to critics who claim that your new budget is cutting the poor and disabled completely loose of any support."
The President was quick on the draw: "Listen, I'm not going to play games with you. In this world of HitlerFreedomJesusTerror, we have no room for people who would play namby-pamby games with numbers, or coddle the poor. Frankly, I don't really care about the poor. Remember: HitlerFreedomJesusTerror."
"But Mr. President, what abo-"
"HitlerFreedomJesusTerror."
"But that doesn't mean any-"
"HitlerFreedomJesusTerror."
"Now what about the deaths in -"
"Listen. I have no time for these questions. You're obviously a heterosexual obstructionist with an extremely small penis, and therefore of no use to me and my homosexual cadre of plutocrats."
The President continued in strident voice: "Yah, that's fucking right. We're all rich, and as queer as Michael fucking Jackson. But what are you going to do about it. HitlerFreedomJesusTerror, after all."
He concluded: "Don't be a flip-floppity flooper. Remember. Hitler. Freedom. Jesus. Terror.". He then sprouted ragged, slime-covered bat wings from a mysterious bulge under his jacket, and flew out through the Press Room windows.
Republicans in power wasted no time in invoking this new Uber-Strategy to achieve remarkable ends. Representative Tom DeLay quickly got congressional approval to dissolve the Ethics Subcommittee. As they filed in to an ominous Boston Red Sox team jet, DeLay screamed in unearthly cadence:
"Before this glorious day of HiterFreedomJesusTerror, I had to use the unfortunate and disabled to hide my vicious activities from the world. But now, with HitlerFreedomJesusTerror firmly in the minds of the stupid American people, I'm free to pursue my ultimate goal - to cook and devour Mrs. Schiavo myself."
Perched on top of the plane, bat wings flexing, the President laughed manically.
And as of Wednesday morning, the mutilated body of Harry Reid was discovered hung from the DNC headquarters. Carved into his flesh was the all-powerful word: HitlerFreedomJesusTerror.