This isn't a typical goodbye rant, as I've already asked the Kos tech people to delete my account. I encorage you NOT to respond - I know you'll be very upset and angry that you have to let such an amazing, witty, and brilliant person as me go. But please don't try to salvage my broken self esteem by encouraging me to stay [Or do - wink wink, nudge nudge].
I hope that by sharing the story of how I was attacked by the evil people at dailyKos will help new people to understand that everyone here will hate you, even if you write things as brilliant and simply awesome as me. (They get jealous of your amazing writing, don't take it personally.)
Pretty much everyone here at Kos hates America, and is brutally intolerant. I understand that the Internet brings out the worst in people, but it seems to me that you people are more horrible than usual, on par with Saddam Hussein.
I wrote a couple of pieces that were satirical, absurd, and mean. In that order. And they were all hillarious. I mean, amazing. And I waited for the accolades of praise and the recommends of all 40,000 members of dailyKos.
This was not to be. People on this board attacked me, and one of them even linked to their own diary in response to satisfy their huge egos!!!!
When they saw my diary, they decided to express their opinion and offense at my diaries (which, I must mention, were the best pieces of literature ever written). Why don't they realize that only people who like what I write are allowed to express opinions? Damned commies.
Everyone here has to satisfy their own (huge) egos by expressing displeasure at my (hillarious!) diaries. I think they were all just jealous. Not everyone can write better than Hunter S. Thompson (Though I can! Read my diaries!)
So, I'll go back to being a silent lurker, since all Kossites are fascist pigs who express their opinion about my (amazing) writing EVEN WHEN THEIR OPINION ISN'T MINE!!! (They obviously hate free speech)
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April Fools.
For those of you who haven't realized by now, I was making fun of JeremyMC's diary.
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From " A Fake Letter from the Vatican...."
The faithful will rejoice to watch as the tracheotomy hole so recently closed is gently torn open by the "Oxygen Delivery Proboscis". Kneel, and utter a prayer to Merciful Virgin Mary who watches over our Pontiff while our "Blessed Communion Tubules" tear into the tender flesh of our Holy Father. That horrible noise you hear is The Appliance removing his blood and replacing it with our "Viscous Hyper-Nutrient Preserving Solution", which will disseminate carefully created chemical compounds though the Pope's Sanctified flesh. These chemicals will then be bombarded by our blessed "Penetrative Hard Radiation Isotope Ray", as The Appliance's nuclear power supply is inserted.
Choirs of innocent, pure, nubile boy children all over the word are singing "Hosannsas" in a completely non-erotic way[...]
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From "Terri Schiavo: Ultimate Fighter."
"I SEE YOU, YOU PUSSY-HUNGRY SODOMITE!".
...
I for one am confident that within two weeks, Terri will be tearing the scrotums of her so-called doctors, and eating them for nourishment."
She then giggled in a high-pitched voice, reached over, and slowly squeezed the eyeball of Secret Service Agent James Finn Reynolds until it popped with a gush of yellowish fluid.
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From "FICTION - 'HitlerFreedomJesusTerror'"
The President continued in strident voice: "Yah, that's fucking right. We're all rich, and as queer as Michael fucking Jackson. But what are you going to do about it.
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And as of Wednesday morning, the mutilated body of Harry Reid was discovered hung from the DNC headquarters. Carved into his flesh was the all-powerful word: HitlerFreedomJesusTerror.
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From "And then it struck me...."
The Doctor ran to feverishly consult with his colleagues at the Fake Academy. Retuning some minutes later, beaming and wiping blood and human hair off his hands the Doctor continued:
[...]
With any luck - and the grace of warrior Jesus who splits infidels with his sword of vengeance - we will finally prove that no vegetative state is vegetative enough to prevent someone from living as a Republican in this great country."
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