Being laid up with a certain injury, I've decided to use my diary not to talk about the latest zeitgeist, but to diarize my thoughts.
As you may recall, much hay was made in the past of the fact that chickenhawk Rush Limbaugh avoided service in Vietnam due to having a pilonidal cyst, described as "an ingrown hair on one's ass".
Update [2005-5-24 7:40:11 by steppenwulf]: Suggest you don't click on that cyst link unless you have a cast-iron stomach. Sorry to any troubled by recurring images of what they saw.
And yes, this is meant to be taken with a side of snark; I tend to have a very dry sense of humor such that others can't detect my snark. It's "stealth snark". After this experience, I'm actually more inclined to believe that El Rushbo and/or his parents probably searched the yellow pages and paid good money for a Dr. who would diagnose that he was 4-F, and pilonidal cyst was likely a good excuse.
I've found out the hard way that it's a lot more than that. A pilonidal cyst, or pilonidal sinus more accurately, is a gestational condition where one has a cavity just above the cleft of one's ass. One or more distorted hair follicles in the area may develop, such that their base lies in the cavity. One is born with this condition and can have it their whole life without knowing until some circumstance causes the development of an abscess.
What causes the abscess to develop? It only takes a minor disturbance, such as a "bump" in just the right place, to cause the follicle to become clogged and begin filling with fluid. Much like a pimple, it can then become infected with common types of bacteria and produce pus. This situation happened to over 20,000 soldiers in WWII, and was known as "Jeep Disease", as it seemed to be aggravated by taking a bumpy jeep ride.
Apparently I have had the potential for this condition my whole life. I am not a big fat tub of goo like Rush Limbaugh once was (and still is, although his Oxycontin Diet did wonders.) I am in good shape and hygiene.
On Friday, I noticed quite suddenly a bump on the base of my tailbone, which felt like a golfball down the back of my pants. I originally thought this might be a strange form of tight muscle. I took some anti-inflammatories and applied some creme (Blue Emu). Throughout the day Saturday, the area became more uncomfortable and slightly larger. It was like two rock hard hen's eggs on either side of the cleft of my ass. Later in the day on Saturday, it began causing actual pain to move around or when the area was touched. After searching the internet trying to self-diagnose, this is when I began to suspect a pilonidal abscess.
On Sunday morning my wife made me promise to go into the ER. The resident, Ali, diagnosed a probable pilonidal abscess. By the time I went in, it was reddened and several black and white "heads" could be seen on it. My wife said it was about the size of a fist.
I laid face down on the exam table; Ali prepped the area with iodine and what-not, then he came at me with a needle and seemed to shove it halfway through me just above the cyst. It seemed like he left it in for an eternity before withdrawing it. He then went away for a few minutes, while the local anesthetic took effect.
When Ali came back, I could not see what he was doing and with what, but unbeknownst to me he opened me up by about an inch with a scalpel. He then used a pair of scissors to dig within the incision and break up the abscess, and pressed hard on the perimeter to squeeze out all the pus. Even with the local I still felt an amount of pain equal to the pain which had caused me to come to the ER, so he gave me another dose of local.
He then stuffed the wound with sterile gauze and dressed it. I would not see it until later, but I have a gaping hole in my butt stuffed with bloody gauze. What I did see when I got up was the puddle of blood and pus left on the exam table.
So yes, in a way, I must sympathize with Rush Limbaugh in that I would not like to go into a muddy warzone if I knew that I was one rough jeep ride away from having to go through this procedure in a field hospital. On the other hand, if I were drafted to go to Iraq a week ago, I wouldn't have known that I had this condition, so I couldn't use it as an excuse anyways (although I've still got flat feet).
So I sympathize, maybe, just a little.
P.S. I might come back to this when I'm less fucked up and add more links or details. Then again, maybe I am not posting it on dKos but emailing the corporate email mass-distribution list. One simply can't know for sure when painkillers are involved.