The boring Intro:
(It gets juicy down below)
Not so long ago, I was a pretty average person. I had some issues that I cared about in a big way (housing rights, gay rights, class issues) and I did a lot of crazy things in my very short life justifying them as things that would enrich me
:::::Flip it for the juicy bits:::::::
trying every drug know to man and getting hooked on one of them, working in the sex industry, hopping frieght trains from coast to coast and hitchhiking back...Loads of crazy and sometimes fun and sometimes dumb things that I justified as things that would give me lots of ideas to make films about. But then I Turned 25, I gave up the drug and the wildness and spontineinity, and I started a business with which to fund my art, and it took over my life. I got all practical and staid and way more conservative in my personal behavior and just did my thing as a glorified wage slave in America.
And then things started to change. This country started getting scary as shit. Money was disappearing and we couldn't buy a house b/c we live in SF area and didn't have $400k to put down on a $1.5 mil home. And weird ass religious people started trying to insert themselves into every public forum. Last Feb my GF and I got married (the one thing I thought I'd never do) and then all the Dobson gang started to demand that we and the 4000 other folks who got to get married, FINALLY, while our own Senator FuckRag Feinstein(D, CA) decided to publicy decry these unions as "Too Much Too Soon for The Gay Community." The Governator (R) Declared these unions on par "with crack." As in putitinapipeandsmokeitandthensellyourmommafor$3Ijustneed1morehitCRACK.The FCC got taken over by a blithering idiot (Michael Powell) who single handedly did more to set back the cause of monopoly free media in this country whilst fawning over FoF's concerns over "indecency." These same people want to kill me, my GF, our friends, and everyone else like us, and our government gives them a VOICE ABOVE ALL ELSE?
And through it all, my regular guy persona is leaving me. I see in myself each day the proof that oppression and hatered can turn a person into a terrorist once you break them down enough. I fantasize about causing the rapture myself so that I can single handedly wipe these fuckers off the map. They find this country so awful, the people so awful that they think they have the right to turn it into this huge shithole for the rest of us. If only I had a "dirty bomb" oh what doom I would rain upon them, and then I would show them the face of the one true god! I dream about just having the money I need to buy the Russian made AK -take that Feinstein!(-no I am not threatining her, I am commenting on her ridiculous assault weapons ban)that I really want to add to my arsenal(Ok one gun bought over my GF's objections and our 3 very Big dogs.) Oh, BTW, I used to be rabidly antigun and pro-guncontrol. Since Shrub has come into the picture, I got this crazy idea that my people (the gays) will be marched off to our own little internment camps (Michelle Malkin says they're good! I'm not buying it!) and snuffed out like a cadre of surrender monkeys and sitting ducks, all in Jesus' name. Well FUCK THAT! I am not going, and neither is my GF. I bought a gun and got taught how to use it. I will go down on my feet if I have to go. I wish that I can go spend a month with the MI MIllitia for some training, (but they probably would prefer to see my queer head on their wall over the mantle than actually let me participate in their little club.)My tin foil hat never freaking comes off any more. Infact it's melded to my head. My hair looks like complete crap all the time as a result.
And really beneath it all, is pain. This shit HURTS like a motherfucker. That half of your country wants nothing more than the extermination of your peeps and thinks relegating you to second class status is too good for you HURTS> This is the country that I have supported, with my tax dollars and C/C payments and volunteerism for countless orgs. This is the fucking land I was born on and it gives me no love. Our government encourages our demise. There are lots of things that kill me a little bit each day, but this rips a chunk of my soul (or whatever) out eachday. So all you folks on this site that participate in the cycle of crap which makes you feel that you have a right to deny me and all my other queer friends and neighbors in this wide land the right to not be treated like scum- in day to day interactions w/ idiots, by the media, by the government-just know that this is the result of your bigotry. And you are here, there are plenty of Dems that malign us alongside the rightys. Just know the hurt you cause, just know my pain my be YOUR kids' one day.
Now, this was awfully self indulgent and dramatic of me, but I think it's my right to expose the damage that this campaign of homophobia has done. And if I end up kidnapping Paris Hilton a la Patty Hearst one of these days, at least you'll know who to blame.