preview of Bush's Tuesday night Speech. It lays out the administrations future strategery for Iraq and the war on terror and answers questions about our successes in Iraq. The speech also defends Karl Rove, and otherwise sets new standards in the annals of American political rhetoric. So folks, be sure to watch this speech instead of ESPN2's scheduled bullfrog jumping tournament or the reruns of Scrubs and get ready for some good old fashioned American speechifying.
Good night real `muricans of `murica. (smirk)
Tonight I'm here to talk at you about a serious subject. Our mission in I-rak.
We're on the way to victory in I-rak. And Freedom is on the march despite what the lib-rul media is not telling you. But it's hard work and it'll get harder for our poor sons and daughters.
It's hard work bringing freedom to the evil doers. (smirk) But, we're doing it one village at a time. We're even going door to door to distribute freedom. Sure sometimes people get hurt and injured or killed but it's worth it if `murica is going to win the war on terra. Now look at our success.
We have Saddam. His rape rooms and torture chambers are closed. (blink) Yes, it's a good think that `murica's military is doing. (blink) We're buildin' schools and we've got a fully functioning I-raki government. We're training a new I-raki army so that our soldiers can come home in 8 to 10 years. We've already got 400,000 I-raki soldiers and police and boy scouts trained and ready to march for freedom. All for a bargain price of 300 billion dollars. That sounds like a lot but it's not, especially when you consider how cheap the price of oil is. Imagine what it would be like without I-rak. $40, $50. Before you know it you're talking real money.
Now, many families and have suffered terrible losses, and our wounded have terrible scars, and while I haven't been able to attend any funerals because I need to learn how to ride a bicycle, I'm here to tell you that is was all worth it. (smirk) (blink) And no sacrifice was made in vain. (blink) (smirk) (blink). That's because we are at the edge of embarking on a great crusade to bring freedom to the middle east. I'm going to explain how.
The evildoers in I-rak are being supported by outsiders, like Syria. And Iran. These evil doers have been warned by me personally not to interfere with our freedom marching in I-rak. But they didn't listen. That's just wrong. But that's what evil doers do. They do evil. So, you're probably asking what are we going to do. We'll, I asked too. (smirk)
I asked my favorite phil-o-sopher, Jesus Christ, what he would do. You thought I was going to say Dr. Phil, didn't you? (laughs) Well, Dr. Phil is a nice guy, but he's too caught up in philosophizing about spanking. Sure, spanking is all about ass kicking, but that's not the ass kicking I needed advice on.
Anyway, where was I . Oh, well, last night I asked Jesus, "Who would you bomb Jesus?". And my question was answered. A voice inside my head, near the new filling I got at the dentist's office, said: "George, this is Jesus, bomb the French." I asked Jesus "Why bomb the French, they've been our allies for years (cough) and they're not shooting our troops. Why not bomb the Iranians or the Syrians? Those our the evildoers trying to keep us from going door to door with our freedom" Jesus said: "The French are cheese eating surrender monkeys George, they can't be trusted, and they give support to `murica's real enemies".
Who are `murica's real enemies, I asked. Jesus said: "'musica's real enemies are the liberals George. Weren't you listening to Karl last week, when I channeled through him?" No I said, Karl gave me a notebook and had me working on this important speech. Jesus said: "oh". And that was my conversation with Jesus (smirk).
So tonight people, I'm here to announce that we will begin bombing France in 5 minutes and will begin sending registration cards to all the lib-ruls. Thank you, my fellow real `muricans. Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.