- The female business suit will be abolished in all federal buildings by executive order, including at the White House and on Capitol Hill. Someone please urge Hillary and the rest of "the ladies of the left" to update their wardrobes now, please.
- The Donkey in Chief will immediately suspend all military operations in Iraq, save those which relate to humanitarian aid.
- Saddam will be reinstalled as President of Iraq but only if he agrees to (A) always appear in public in his skivvies (especially when smoking a cigar and shooting a rifle into the air--he can leave his hat and scarf on) (B) take part each year in the mens skivvy shoot for the JC Penney catalogue during the entire length of his term in office.
- All presidential appointments, including everything from Chief of Presidential Concubines up to, and including, SCOTUS nominations, will be given to women, exclusively.
- First offense male sexual assaults on women and children will be punishable by death.
- First offense female sexual assaults on men and children will be rewarded with book contracts and lifetime rounds on the cable talk show circuit.
- Donkeytale will order the annulment of his current marriage and arrange for Maryscott Oconnor to be installed as the first "foulmouthed first lady" in US presidential history. My campaign will make a quiet, yet substantial payoff to Adam so that he and the kid can go "get lost" comfortably somewhere.
- Teacherken will be ordered to endure a sex change operation in order to receive the nomination to head my Dept. of Education.
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{editors note: in homage to his favorite author, Franz Kafka, Donkeytale has left this work unfinished}