From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Good morning, Sunshine. Nice hair on your tongue.
C&J is posting a wee bit early this morning because we're flying (take the poll) to New York for super duper double secret business. We are reluctantly letting y'all roam the mansion unsupervised today, but the webcams will have their eye on you. And now...
More signature lines from the Kos crowd...
Being called vindictive and partisan by Tom DeLay is like being called ugly by a frog. -- Ronnie Earle (John H)
Don't make me unleash Chang on you! (Tommy Allen)
The most un-American thing you can say is, "You can't say that." -G. Keillor (Eddie Haskell)
You know you're in trouble when your dreams are interrupted by commercials (The basque)
"I prefer to dance, but I know how to fight." Harry Reid (Caldonia)
Can anyone tell me why my American flag was made in China? (Skid)
Go Red Sox!! (Mike Baseball)
"Think. It ain't illegal yet." - George Clinton (Jbeach)
"Our enemy is innovative and resourceful and so are we. Our enemy never stops thinking of new ways to harm us and our country, and neither do we." G.W. Bush (Litigatormom)
Bush: "The buck doesn't even slow down here" (Cygjelly)
When you couldn't get a real journalism job, there's Fox News. (The Truffle)
And our favorite of the day from OLinda: "Is the President concerned that there's a stench of corruption around the Republican establishment in Washington?"
--Terry Moran to Scotty, 9/28/05
Wow---no hurricanes this weekend!! Par-TAY. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, September 30, 2005
Note: Today's Cheers and Jeers was translated into Greek and then back into English. Just `cause we like to show off.
By the Numbers:
Days `til Thanksgiving: 55
Days `til Iraqis vote to approve their constitution: 15
Calories the average armchair quarterback consumes while watching a football game on TV: 1,200
(Source: Men's Health)
Number of patent applications received by the U.S. Patent Office last year: 400,000
(Source: Business 2.0 via The Week magazine)
Days the federal terror alert system has been in place: 1,325
Days spent at terror alert level Green or Blue: 0
Your Puppy Pic of the Day "Got pumpkin?"
CHEERS to the passing of the gavel. John Roberts was confirmed yesterday as the 17th Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. But it wasn't quite unanimous---22 Democrats voted "No." Now all eyes turn toward President Bush's next nominee. Even the appearance of foam at the mouth and we're filibustering, pal.
JEERS to the Secretary of Nincompoopery. (Hat tip to Dire Radiant for the link) Pardon my language but, Jesus Fucking Christ, Rumsfeld, how simple is it to reimburse soldiers and/or their families who buy their own body armor because you couldn't be bothered to do it yourself?? Listen carefully, Don: the slogan is Support the troops...not Fuck the troops over!
CHEERS to late-night snark. Jay Leno nails it:
"Today a Texas grand jury indicted House Majority Leader Tom DeLay for conspiracy in a campaign finance scheme. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to the Republicans since yesterday."
Yesterday? Try 5 minutes ago.
P.S. In a bold strategic move, the House tossed homosexual David Dreier's name aside and chose some one else to replace DeLay. Ladies and gentleman, meet the new majority leader of the House of Representatives: Sheriff Lobo.
CHEERS and JEERS to Round 2. A federal judge ordered that 87 photos and 4 videotapes of prisoner abuse at Abu Ghraib be released to the public. Says Judge Alvin Hellerstein: "My task is not to defer to our worst fears, but to interpret and apply the law, in this case, the Freedom of Information Act, which advances values important to our society, transparency and accountability in government." True...but we're not looking forward to seeing more of what's been done behind the prison walls in our name. (Hint: it ain't hopscotch.)
CHEERS to the oasis of the airwaves. Rumors---fueled by the right, natch---about Air America's imminent demise have been greatly exaggerated, says Danny Goldberg:
Air America is in strong financial shape. Last week we started broadcasting from our new multi-million dollar studios. ...
After having a near monopoly on talk radio for so many years, some conservative media types are literally freaked out at confronting robust, persistent and passionate opposition. On Sept 26th, [Bill] O'Reilly desperately claimed that "Air America's basic flaw is that Americans do not want to hear that their country sucks 24 hours a day." Of course the talent and management of Air America have a love of our country which is what animates all passionate debate on political issues form the left, right and center.
It is an obsession with stifling debate--even at the cost of using lies and distortions, which is un-American.
Wanna give O'Reilly and his minions the middle finger? Do what we did---join the Air America Associate program here. We now return you to our regularly scheduled snark...
CHEERS to great inventions. On September 30, 1846, William Morton---a Boston dentist---used ether as an anesthetic for the first time. It was the sleeper hit of the year.
JEERS to Bush Goggles. They'll get us all killed. But I wonder if he'll let me borrow them for my next Rave.
CHEERS to helpful advice for Republicans. Tom...Bill...Jack...Dubya: read this carefully:
Research has shown that it is impossible for people to sink into quicksand much beyond the waist -- but it is equally impossible to pull someone out once they are stuck.
Any attempt to drag a person out with a horse or truck would put them in much greater danger than leaving them be: the forces involved would tear them apart. To pull a person's foot out would require as much force as it takes to lift a family car, and the body would give way before the sand relinquished its grip.
So y'all keep still, now. We'll take over in '06 and save the Republic. God Bless America.
One Year Ago in C&J: September 30, 2004...
JEERS to pants afire, Part #238. George Bush says the Taliban "is no longer in existence" in Afghanistan. But the New York Times says "The death toll for Afghans by suspected Taliban is above 200, 45 percent higher than last year's." Thank goodness sidearms and Kevlar vests are part of the welcome basket at the Kabul Club Med.
CHEERS to your privacy. Ashcroft & Co. lose another battle over the Patriot Act as U.S. District Judge rules that the FBI can't force Internet service providers and phone companies to hand over customer records without, y'know, actually telling the customer. Unfortunately, those same companies are still free to abuse us with shitty service. Please hold.
And just one more...
PRAISE GOD for divine emissions.
Warning: Evacuate all food and liquid from your mouth before watching this!
Now click here and feel the power of the Farting Preacher! Amen and...Amen.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open. What are you cheering and jeering about today?