I think the Neocons are poets.
Now I know what you're thinking. But let me finish. Because I promise you that not only are they poets, they're good. This isn't a hard-nosed political diary. It's a revelation of a profound moment I had while pumping gas that I wanted to share with my fellow kossacks. It took about seven seconds, eight if you count the epilogue. Let me share with you this poetry. It involves a Hummer, a yellow ribbon magnet, a gas pump, my debt, Jesus, my mother, a pamphlet, the iraq war, the economy, higher education, and my middle finger.
Hop below the break for Seven Seconds of Neocon Poetry, with Epilogue.
Second One:
I'm staring at a Hummer fueling up in front of me. I'm wondering how much that thing cost, thinking of all those photos online of people flipping off hummers.
Those photos inspire me. Generally I try to flip them off every time I see them, because they represent so consisely what is wrong with our country. And I have yet to get the snot beaten out of me for it. So I'm standing there wondering whether or not I
should and if so
when and if my mother in the passenger seat would approve.
Second Two:
I notice one of those magnets. You know. The little yellow "Support Our Troops" ribbon magnets. And I go pfff. I think about operation Yellow Elephant and their slogan "Sign up or Shut up!". A chuckle.
Second Three:
I check back to see how much money (that I don't have) my gas is running me, briefly think about the mounting interest on the student loan I had to take out for college, and I notice a little advertisement sitting on top of the pump. In it is a picture of a Hummer. It says: Gas Money and More!
Second Four:
I glance back at the hummer. Still pumping. I think Ha ha. Sucker. Bet you're paying through your nose. And I look closer at the ad. It's an ad for the National Guard. There's a little plexiglass box of brochures next to it that declares: You can afford to go to college! I reach for a brochure.
Second Five:
Pop open the brochure. Higher Education is Within Your Reach!, it tells me.
Second Six:
The Hummer starts to move, and the movement grabs my eye. Symmetrically placed against the ribbon magnet is a Jesus fish. I think about my friend who is an agnostic who says she's be an atheist if it weren't for Bach, and how she says that the cross is debateable, but the Jesus fish on the back of a car is code-language for homophobe rethug. And the magnet and the sticker are the exact same shape. Click. Gas tank full.
And that's when the poetry nearly killed me.
Second Seven:
We have a culture which loves big sexy Hummers. So:
We have to have oil for these Hummers. So:
We have to fight wars for this oil for our Hummers. So:
We have to have support for this war for our oil for our Hummers. So:
We have to get the Christians with us. So:
We have a Support Our Troops magnet to put on our Hummers, a magnet which looks like the Jesus fish. But:
Eventually support stickers don't do it. Because:
We have to have troops for this war. So:
We call in the National Guard. But:
We don't have enough people in it. So:
We advertise to them with pictures of big sexy Hummers. And:
We do it at gas stations. Because:
They can't afford their gas. Because:
We live in a culture which loves big, sexy, expensive Hummers, and:
We have to pay of our student loans because:
We have cut back student aid because:
We don't have the money because:
We have spent it all on a costly war, because:
We live in a culture which loves big sexy Hummers, so:
We have to have oil for these Hummers, and so:
We have to fight wars for this oil for our Hummers, So:
You live in a system that makes you unable to pay for college tuition and gas because we're fighting a war for oil but:
They'll give you the money for college (that you don't have because:
we are spending too much money on a war for oil for your hummer with which they are advertising to you military service) if:
You go to fight the war that gives us the oil and:
then you can finally get to college and:
You can pay for the gas on your Hummer. Because:
My head nearly exploded.
I don't think I need to join the Guard to go to college to study the world. I think I just got a pretty good education in politics, economics, sociology, and poetry. Right here at the gas pump.
Second Eight (epilogue):
I flip off the Hummer.