This is just the most fucking who-lair-e-ohs article of the new year. No, it is not from the Onion or Foxy news. It is from the Independent UK. I am still burning calories laughing over this fucking thing. Whoooo. My goodness. Just a taste of how glorious this damn thing is:
They may have wondered if Mr Corneliusen had escaped from a prison chain-gang. But he had the forethought to bring the sketch of his bound legs with him in case of such confusion.
Now some background. Um, Mr. Corneliusen likes to go on "spiritual" journeys into Death Valley. He also likes to sketch stuff. He is a Jesus kinda guy as well. I think trouble lurks when you mix these sorts of things. Anyway, while "in an abandoned silver-mine in Death Valley, which has claimed many lives" he decided to bind "his ankles together with a thick metal chain and a padlock, a thoroughly uncomfortable position he wanted to sketch."
WTF?! OK. Now this is getting fucking odd right?! You are now asking yourself what the hell is going on here, right? I did. Really, what the fuck? Who is this dude? I'm not the kind of guy that likes to draw but, um, if one is to do a self-portrait, I have always been led to believe that it is done to convey how you see yourself emotionally. Not how you see yourself after you shackle your legs in a mine in death valley!!! Dedicated I guess....
The drawing done, he discovered his predicament. The key was missing. With no option, the artist - sympathetically described by his mother, Marie, as "very absent-minded" - set out for help. The nearest town, Baker, was five miles away. For 12 hours, he hopped through sand and scrub with the help of an old miner's stick until, at midnight, he reached a petrol station.
OK. Wait a damn second here. A fucking "miner's stick"?!? WHat?! And what the hell is a "petrol station"?! I am all confused here. 23 skadoo and all that nonsense right?!
They may have wondered if Mr Corneliusen had escaped from a prison chain-gang. But he had the forethought to bring the sketch of his bound legs with him in case of such confusion.
And here is the money quote:
Its quality appears uncertain. "It was a pretty good depiction of how a chain would look wrapped around your legs," Deputy Ford said flatly.
LOL!!!! I know that if I were to bind my legs with schackles and stuff and then hop across the desert, I am 100% sure that I would bring the sketch along. WHat?!!? ANything for art right?
And my fave part of the article:
The artist, bruised and scraped, thanked his rescuers, and walked back to the cave. He has no mobile phone, and could not be reached for comment.
Yup. Could not be reached for comment!