One of the places I hang out online is a firearms discussion forum (yes, yes, I'm that rare breed of moderately pro-gun liberal. I'd be happy to have a rational discussion about it sometime.). It can be hard to sit still on a gun forum, where 95% of the other denizens constantly post nasty comments about democrats and liberals.
In response to this particularly awful send-up of the Democratic 2008 National Convention (http://www.xdtalk.com/... warning - you WILL be offended by it, though the Ted Kennedy thread is actually pretty clever), I felt compelled to write my own, which I duplicate here for your entertainment.
Schedule of The Republican National Convention, 2008:
2:00 P.M.-7:00 P.M. Lie detector tests and brain scans at the door to ensure that no dissenting views leak in.
7:15 P.M. Pledge of allegiance to George W. Bush.
7:20 P.M. Ceremonial "wrapping ourselves in the flag" moment.
7:30 P.M. It is discovered that they don't actually have a plan for the convention.
"But they was suppossed to throw flowers at our feet and hail us as liberationizers," whines Bush.
Everything after that was total chaos. But here's a record of what happened:
7:30 P.M. Jack Abramoff passes around a collection hat for "good causes".
7:35 P.M. "Progress in the war on terra." -- George W. Bush.
7:45 P.M. "Complete Policy Agenda for the Next Decade" presented by Halliburton, Exxon, and Pfizer.
8:00 P.M. Katherine Harris, spokesmodel, presents the new Diebold voting machine.
8:15 P.M. "Exploiting tragedy for votes: 9/11", a case study
8:30 P.M. "Sexual ethics and family values", a roundtable discussion with Mark Foley, John Bolton, Rudy Guiliani and Strom Thurmond.
8:45 P.M. Donald Rumsfeld loses a game of Risk to a 4-year-old child.
9:00 P.M. Jack Abramoff passes around a collection hat for "good causes".
9:05 P.M. "Drug Addicts are destroying this country" -- Rush Limbaugh
9:15 P.M. "Exploiting tragedy for votes: Terry Schiavo", a case study
9:30 P.M. It is discovered that one of the attendees voted for a Democrat for schoolboard in 1952. He is immediately "detained" and shipped to a secret prison in Bulgaria for waterboarding.
9:45 P.M. Donald Rumsfeld loses a game of Checkers to a chimpanzee.
10:00 P.M. "Protecting America From Natural Disaster" -- Michael Brown
10:15 P.M. "Avoiding Military Service in Wartime" a discussion panel with GWB, Dick Cheney, Tom Delay, Dick Armey, Trent Lott, and Karl Rove.
10:30 P.M. Jack Abramoff passes around a collection hat for "good causes".
10:35 P.M. Keynote speech: "We have nothing to fear but terrorists, WMDs, gays, hippies, Mexicans, Chinese, feminists, liberals, Arabs, homeless people, communists, Democrats, non-whites, vegetarians, environmentalists, Puerto Ricans, athiests, and people who look funny. If you vote Democrat, gay terrorists will rape your children." - Karl Rove
10:45 P.M. Donald Rumsfeld loses a game of tic-tac-toe to a gerbil. Bush says "You're doing a heck of a job, Rummy!"
11:00: P.M. "The Constitutional limits on Presidential Power: a threat to Fatherland Security." -- Antonin Scalia
11:05 P.M. "Why govern? The rapture is coming next year anyway!", a presentation by congressional Republicans.
11:20 P.M. "Putting Women back where they belong!" -- Phyllis Schlafly
11:30 P.M. Jack Abramoff passes around a collection hat for "good causes".
11:35 P.M. "Fighting terrorists by giving up freedom - that'll show 'em." -- George W. Bush.
11:45 P.M. Abramoff pockets all the money and flies to Switzerland.
11:55 P.M. The formal banning of the U.S. Constitution as "communist literature"
12:00 A.M. The coronation of G. W. Bush.
12:05 A.M. After 232 years of freedom, the U.S. is back under the tyrranical rule of King George.