Update [2006-10-3 13:15:2 by Tom Ball]: Though this entry has been revealed as some damn good satire, this part about Limbaugh is certainly NOT:
Limbaugh Joins in: Democrats "set Foley up ... it's all coordinated" by the Democrats. Limbaugh also stated that "the orgy and the orgasm that has been taking place in the media since Friday and with the Democrats is ... all coordinated, and it's ... all oriented toward the election."
Holy nutjobs Batman!!! This guy is off his freakin' rocker... yet still able to squeak out one bit of truth...
"[Rep Mark Foley]... You truely (sic) represent the greatest goals of the Republicans"
-- Right-wing blogger inadvertently speaking truth to power
If ever there was an icon for Republican insanity, this guy is it -- delusional, conspiratorial, blind-faith driven and full to the brim of good ol' fashion conservative, hate-filled quackery!
For your reading hilarity, I've reproduced his post (below the fold) THANKING child-predator Foley for 'taking one for the team' (Apparently all republicans wish to be kiddie-chasing pervs?). I've including all the freeject's spelling errors for that authentic right-wing blog feel.
But first, let's set the scene. This blogger's
bee-a-yootiful siteincludes two catchy banner graphics.
One begins with the image of a golden cross and the words, "God Loves Everyone..." and concludes, "But I'm not God. Liberals Must Die.com".
The other is equally heart-warming. It boasts the face of Jesus with the bold letters "WWJD?" (i.e. What Would Jesus Do?) and continues, "Kick a liberal in the balls! Liberals Must Die.com".
But of course. We all remember the antics of the old testament book, Testiculus -- which fortold the nut-crunching tendencies of the (then) future lord.
But really, imagine that, using Christ and religion as a shield for hatred and intolerance. Whodathunkit?
Anyway, I kid you not. This is 100% genuine and deadly serious! There REALLY are people out there who think like this.
God help us all!!
So here it is... (the 'bold' is my attempt to highlight the MOST ridiculous within the sea of ridiculousness)
YOU ARE NOW ENTERING THE TWILIGHT ZONE...
Mark Foley Takes On For The Team! Thanks Mark For Your Service!
Location: Blogs Liberals Must Die Republicans
Posted by: admin (clever name!)
Well obviously Mark Foley was setup by the liberals who wanted to take him down for his conservative God-loving ways.
How do I know that he was setup? It's obvious...
The Democrats have numerous "hacker" connections, including the Al Qaeda hackers that the Defeat-o-crats paid to hack my site and put up gay porn!
You may remember that I got revenge on these people, thanks to my nerd friends at the Heritage Foundation, taking down Democrats.com not once, but twice!! Oh, and I took Air America down too, but who cares about those guys, they are bankrupt right?
Back to the topic at hand! The only "evidence" against Foley, are some "electronic mails" or "e-mails" as they are known on the bad internets, as well as some other stuff called "IMs" whatever that means. I tried searching for IMS (using my favorite conservative search engine ask.com, I NEVER use the liberal google.com ) and all I got was the Institute of Mathematical Statistics.
Click here for the rest of the article!
Apparently these "Inst of Math Statistics" are messages such as:
Maf54 (7:37:27 PM): how my favorite young stud doing
Maf54 (7:39:32 PM): you need a massage
[redacted screenname] (7:41:57 PM): ugh tomorrow i have the first day of lacrosse practice
Maf54 (7:42:27 PM): love to watch that
Maf54 (7:42:33 PM): those great legs running
[redacted screenname] (7:42:38 PM): haha...they arent great
Maf54 (7:43:27 PM): well dont ruin my mental picture
[redacted screenname] (7:42:45 PM): thats why we have conditioning
Maf54 (7:43:54 PM): nice
Maf54 (7:43:54 PM): youll be way hot then
[redacted screenname] (7:44:01 PM): haha...hopefully
Maf54 (7:44:22 PM): better be
Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): good so your getting horny
[redacted screenname] (7:47:29 PM): lol...a bit
Maf54 (7:48:00 PM): did you spank it this weekend yourself
Maf54 (7:55:02 PM): completely naked?
[redacted screenname] (7:55:12 PM): well ya
Maf54 (7:55:21 PM): very nice
Maf54 (7:55:51 PM): cute butt bouncing in the air
Maf54 (7:56:30 PM): great visual
Maf54 (7:57:05 PM): i always use lotion and the hand
Maf54 (7:59:48 PM): is your little guy limp...or growing
Maf54 (8:00:12 PM): so you got a stiff one now
Maf54 (8:03:47 PM): what you wearing
[redacted screenname] (8:04:04 PM): normal clothes
[redacted screenname] (8:04:09 PM): tshirt and shorts
Maf54 (8:04:17 PM): um so a big buldge
[redacted screenname] (8:04:35 PM): ya
Maf54 (8:04:45 PM): um
Maf54 (8:04:58 PM): love to slip them off of you
Maf54 (8:05:53 PM): and gram the one eyed snake
Maf54 (8:06:13 PM): grab
Maf54 (8:08:31 PM): get a ruler and measure it for me
I really don't even see anything inappropriate there! He is obviously just kidding around.
Whoaaaaaaaa!! Obviously just kidding around??? Anyone out there 'kid around' with kids by asking them if they 'spanked it'? Ugh!! Let's resume...
But, notice that there is no other "non-electronic" evidence against him. No one caught him on table rubbing a boy with a falafel, or flashing a school boy, or attending a disco. Not to mention that it is the Demon-crats that are the party of the homosexual, not the Republicans (Comment: Nope, they're apparently the party of the pedophile). So obviously if any politican was a homosexual, they would be liberal dumb-ass-crats.
So the only "evidence" is stuff that was most likely planted by these liberal hackers!
The result is that even though there is no evidence against him, he is forced to resign. Innocent Republican forced to resign despite a lack of evidence. Where have we hard that before? Duke Cunningham anyone? Tom "the big ass hammer" Delay? The liberals and their liberal media are picking our guys off one by one!!
The liberals wanted Foley to fight the charges. They wanted him to say "I'm not a homosexual! I don't like young supple boys. I am not a fan of the Village People!" Then the liberal media could "cover" (aka smear), Foley and the Republicans all the way up to election day, and avoid reporting on all the good news coming out of the middle east.
Foley realized this right away. He saw what was going to happen, and he did the honorable thing, as he has always done. He resigned immediately, to save his party in the November elections.
Make no mistake, he took one for the team!! For that I say, Mark Foley, the Republican party salutes you for your service and honor. You truely represent the greatest goals of the Republicans, and you will be missed.
Based on previous conservatives, I would expect you to recieve the Medal of Freedom from George W. Bush in a week or so. You sir, are truley a moral and righteous person. And we as Republicans thank you for everything!
Copyright ©2006 Liberal Ass Kicker
*******
TOP 14 things we've learned here today?
1) Rep Foley followed 'Conservative God-loving ways' -- his words, not mine.
2) Mark Foley was set up.
3) Democrats 'have numerous "hacker" connections, including the (infamous) Al Qaeda hackers.'
4) The blogger, at one time, had 'gay porn' on his site (I can only assume it's still there.)
5) The People at the Heritage Foundation are NERDS -- even by Republican standards. YIKES!! :O
6) Our little blogger-savant doesn't know what Instant Messages are or how they could possibly apply to this case.
7) Ask.com is conservative. Google.com is liberal. Remember that.
8) There is no evidence against Mark Foley as there was no evidence against either Duke Cunningham or Tom Delay. Got that? NO EVIDENCE. THESE ARE INNOCENT MEN!!!
9) Liberals are 'picking off' Republicans one-by-one. I WISH!
10) We liberals wanted Foley to say in no uncertain terms that he is 'NOT a fan of the village people.'
11) Mark Foley 'took one for the team' and the 'Republican party salutes [him] for [his] service and honor'.
12) Mark Foley 'truely (sic) represent (sic) the greatest goals of the Republicans, and [he] will be missed.'
13) "Based on previous conservatives, [Foley will likely] receive the Medal of Freedom from George W. Bush in a week or so [because he] is truley (sic) a moral and righteous person.' (sic)(sic)(sic)(sic)...Yaaaargh!
14) We liberals did all this so that the unabashed liberal media would 'avoid reporting on all the GOOD NEWS coming out of the middle east'.
And it's not even Halloween yet!
FREAK!!!!
Originally posted at: