Obviously these are not real, but they are no less absurd than the excuses we've been hearing lately.
1. It was Barney Frank. He sneaked into my office, used my computer and pretended he was me.
2. What a slutty kid, enticing me with his choirboy good looks and smelly Converse sneakers.
3. Those boys surely know how to mix a mean Cosmopolitan, and look at me now - in rehab!
4. Jerry Falwell was right. I shouldn't have watched Teletubbies.
5. That was no Tic Tac he gave me. I think it was LSD.
6. Damn you, Internet. This is Al Gore's fault.
7. Hey, if he's old enough to be tried as an adult and get a life sentence in a Florida prison, he's old enough to sleep with me.
8. He mailed me his Size 12 Calvin Klein briefs, so naturally I thought he was a midget.
9. I could have gotten a Rent-Boy, but no penny-pinching Republican would pay that kind of money when you can get it for free.
10. It was a typo. I was talking about the ELECTIONS, not erections.