A facsimile of an open letter sent to Bill O'Reilly (Political Satire)
Like most folks I'm very patriotic. In fact I'm always looking for more and better ways to demonstrate my loyalty and stand up for the good old USA. So awhile back I wrote a letter to the Beloved Leader, President Bush, and told him he could tap my phone any time he wanted, read my e-mails and even have someone review the books I'd been checking out at the local library. I trust the Dear Leader to do what's right on my behalf, and on behalf of the country. I'm confident he will only deny me my civil rights when he's really sure I don't deserve them! In my letter I also promised not to say anything negative about the U.S., the Bush Administration's policies and actions and the holy Republican Party because everyone knows that even one tiny criticism whispered in private is likely to get more of our brave servicemen and women killed in action. Everyone also knows, whether they want to admit it or not, that terrorists are only emboldened by political dissent and any discussion of the Constitution and/or Civil Liberties, and as a loyal American Veteran you can bet your circus pin collection I don't want anything to do with that! Heck, I even cancelled my subscriptions and burned my back copies of the New York Times and the New Republic. In a further act of patriotism I also burned my old books and signed up for the Republican Book of the Month Club. Thankfully my first installment arrived just the other day. Boy was I excited when I saw that all of my assigned books were pop-up and children's' books! They are absolutely jam-packed with memorable lines like, "One fish, two fish, Saddam harbored terrorists!" and "We want more preemptive war!"
I was also pleased to see that, along with my books, the book club sent along a pamphlet explaining why our Beloved Leader, the President, and his Republican Party are so apposed to homosexuality. As it turns out Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden were actually lovers - and look at all the evil that came out of that illicit union. They almost single-handedly gave birth to the whole Axis of Evil! Also, just like the military, everyone knows that homosexuals regularly recruit young people to their ultimate demise. Anyway, I am always eager to learn the truth about such things from historically trustworthy sources like the Republican Party.
Finally, I think it's important as a loyal American to affirm that I have so much to be grateful for these days - in particular our wonderful President. All praise to the Dear Leader, President Bush!