Dennis Kucinich, everyone's favorite nerdy vegan elf, has announced he will run for the Democratic nomination for president.
so in the spirit of Francis Holland's diary on the white male monopoly on the presidency, i have decided to write about the meat-eaters' monopoly.
The diversity of the potential 08 presidential field has been much discussed. Hillary is a woman, Obama is black and half-African, Romney is Mormon. But left out of all this talk is the fact that Kucinich is a vegan.
In over 200 years of American history, all 43 presidents have been meat-eaters. i think it's time for that to change.
Some critics may say, "Oh, you just want a vegan to be president. That's not sufficient to be the leader of the free world and the most powerful person on earth. Candidates must be judged upon their merits, not on their diets."
Well, that may be, but just look at some of our former presidents. I think we can all agree that W is a completely incompetent and thoroughly juvenile moron. Look at some of the others. Andrew Johnson? Warren Harding? William Henry Harrison? pppffff.
The critics need to realize that diet has always been a litmus test. How else could these screw-ups get in office? Meat-eating has in fact been a requirement for all 43 presidents.
(now to be more serious)
You may casually dismiss this as a loony fringe position, but it really isn't. Let me explain. Throughout its proud history, the left has always been characterized by the fighting for the interests of the disadvantaged members of society. Our political ancestors overthrew feudalistic aristocratic privileges and instituted legal and civil equality. They struggled in the soot-choked slums of the Industrial Revolution to give a voice to the impoverished and oppressed working class. They rallied in the streets and in political conventions for women's rights. They gave enlightenment to the world. They overturned insitutionalized religious discrimination, giving equality to religious minorities. They founded the United States and wrote two of the great documents of world history, the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution.
Today we fight against discrimination against gays. Many of us see animals as simply the next step in this progression.
Some people may say that Kucinich cannot be elected. I beg to differ. He would have a lock on the crucial Hindu vote. He would also bring in the Jain vote as no one before ever has. I expect the vegetarian Buddhist vote to increase sharply.
Everyone knows a vegan diet is more healthy than the traditional meat-eaters' diet. Can you imagine Dennis Kucinich getting stuck in the bathtub like fatass Howard Taft? Health nuts will come out to vote for Kucinich.
Kucinich 08!!
Now all we need is a slogan.