Thursday, December 28th is a day that I will never forget. It was the day I drove my 16 year old daughter to in patient rehab for her heroin addition. It is a day I never envisioned and never believed could ever occur. Call me an ostrich, with my head in the sand - there were so many things I did not want to see.
One of the differences between my daughter and me is that she is lyric person and I am a music person. I hear notes, she hears words. Many of my favorite songs are the instrumentals, she takes the obscure songs with lyrics that describe her life as she perceives it.
My question to my fellow kossaks, what are the lyrics that inspire you, what song has kept you going when nothing else could. I have four more weeks to motivate her and keep her where she is. Right now, she is desperate and wants out. If I were in her position I would be the same way.
At this moment in time there is a song by Blue October that I want to sing to her everytime I hear her voice. "Hate Me"
"Hate Me"
(If you're sleeping are you dreaming
If your dreaming are you dreaming of me?
I can't believe you actually picked me.)
("Hi Justin, this is your mother, and it's 2:33 on Monday afternoon.
I was just calling to see how you ware doing.
You sounded really uptight last night.
It made me a little nervous, and a l... and... well... it made me nervous, it sounded like you were nervous, too.
I just wanted to make sure you were really OK,
And wanted to see if you were checking in on your medication.
You know I love you, and...
Take care honey
I know you're under a lot of pressure.
See ya. Bye bye")
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don’t lose my head
They crawl in like a cockroach leaving babies in my bed
Dropping little reels of tape to remind me that I’m alone
Playing movies in my head that make a porno feel like home
There's a burning in my pride, a nervous bleeding in my brain
An ounce of peace is all I want for you. Will you never call again?
And will you never say that you love me just to put it in my face?
And will you never try to reach me?
It is I that wanted space
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn't do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
I’m sober now for 3 whole months it’s one accomplishment that you helped me with
The one thing that always tore us apart is the one thing I won’t touch again
In a sick way I want to thank you for holding my head up late at night
While I was busy waging wars on myself, you were trying to stop the fight
You never doubted my warped opinions on things like suicidal hate
You made me compliment myself when it was way too hard to take
So I’ll drive so fucking far away that I never cross your mind
And do whatever it takes in your heart to leave me behind
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
And with a sad heart I say bye to you and wave
Kicking shadows on the street for every mistake that I had made
And like a baby boy I never was a man
Until I saw your blue eyes cry and I held your face in my hand
And then I fell down yelling "Make it go away!"
Just make a smile come back and shine just like it used to be
And then she whispered "How can you do this to me?"
Hate me today
Hate me tomorrow
Hate me for all the things I didn’t do for you
Hate me in ways
Yeah ways hard to swallow
Hate me so you can finally see what’s good for you
For you
For you
For youangles
In that song I am the mother calling to make sure he has taken his meds, a role I hate. But at the same time, the lines "
Hate me in ways, yeah, ways hard to swallow, Hate me so you can finally see what's good for you."
hits so close to home. I see both sides of this coin, the song speaks to me from all angles, I want her to hate me to get the help she needs, but I want her clean and i need her to still love me. My heart has been ripped out.
Do I bring her home or make her stay. I do not know. But I would love to know what lyrics inspire you and may be able inspire her.