Russ is unelectable because he is a Senator, a Jew, and divorced.
Wes is unelectable, because he is easily swift-boated by Republican Generals ("I served with Wes Clark, and he once fucked a horse and tried to launch a tactical nuke against Belgium"), and he is short.
Hillary is unelectable because she is a Senator and a dame. And because she is Hillary.
Warner is unelectable because he's pro-Iraq War, and is an ugly man with HUGE ENORMOUS TEETH. Those choppers look like they could peel an apple in 5 seconds.
Richardson is unelectable because he is a fat Mexican.
Biden in unelectable because he is a Senator, a known plagiarist, and a pompous asshole.
Vilsack is unelectable because he is fat, and his name rhymes with Ballsack.
Edwards is unelectable because he's a Senator, a lawyer, and a proven general election loser.
Kerry is unelectable because he's a Senator, a traitor to his Vietnam brethren, an ugly ugly man, and a proven general election loser.
Bayh is unelectable because he is a pompous daddy's boy with no opinion on anything, and he is a from a state that produces a higher per capita asshole rate than even suburban Pittsburgh. They actually have asshole factories in Indiana.
I guess we're fucked!
Well, it doesn't really matter, because no one is beating McCain. Oh, wait a minute... McCain is a Senator... he's unelectable, too.