This is how Cheney's appearance on American Idol might go:
Ryan: Ladies and gentlemen, we are truly honored tonight. Our special guest is none other than the Vice President of the United States! Please welcome Vice President Dick Cheney!!!
VP comes on stage. Audience stands, some Applause, Applause
Ryan: Thank you for this honor sir. We know you have a fondness for Fox since you require all the TV's in your hotel to be set to Fox News.
Cheney: Well I am a man of honor. Back on May 24 at an Orlando campaign stop I said if the democrats are competent to fight this war, than I ought to be singing on American Idol. So here I am.
Ryan: What are you gong to sing for us tonight sir?
Cheney: My rendition of "Who's Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf"
Ryan: Please put your hands together for Vice President Cheney.
Cheney begins to sing:
Who's afraid of the big bad wolf
Big bad wolf, big bad wolf?
Who's afraid of the big bad wolf?
Tra la la la la
Repeat
"By the hair of your chin-ny-chin,
I'll blow you in"
And the wolf blew into town
With a gruff "puff-puff" he puffed just enough
And the hay house fell right down
Repeat Chorus
Cheney bows
Randy: Whoa, Whoa, Whoa Dawg Pound - Woof, woof, woof. So check it out Veep baby. Started off a little pitchy. I'm familiar with that tune but I didn't always understand what you were saying. When I thought I got it you changed it up. You took your best shot though. It was a good song choice for you.
Cheney sneers at Randy and asks if he'd like to visit Baghdad
Paula: That was just my pizza in your salad, my bacon with your eggs.
Cheney sneers at Paula and asks if she's familiar with Betty Ford
Simon: Well it was OK but you left out part of the song. Remember, the number 1 pig was very gay, number 2 was fond of jigs, and number 3 said "Nix on tricks." Now I understand you'd be uncomfortable with number 1 but what's wrong with 2 and 3?
Cheney huffs and puffs and gets all red in the face
Ryan: We'll be back after this.