Some of you may wonder how that could be, especially if you remember Bush's famous introduction of conservative luminary, William F. Buckley:
I see Bill Buckley is here tonight, fellow Yale man. We go way back, and we have a lot in common. Bill wrote a book at Yale--I read one." - George W Bush, Oct. 2000
Well, here are a few reasons Bush's trip to India and Pakistan remind me of Mark Twain....
First off, there is Twain's classic book
Innocents Abroad. I haven't thought about that book for ages, at least since our Goodwill Ambassador, Karen Hughes, told foreign audiences the words "One nation, under God" are in our Constitution. But George's trip to India and Pakistan brought it all back to me ....
It appears that someone thought it would be a good idea to let him wander around loose in India and Pakistan (probably the folks who booked him for the Coretta Scott King funeral).
We'll overlook the fact that he is signing deals with India that may be destabilizing to a region that is known to be about as stable as a drunk with a shotgun....
Maybe he is overcompensating for his reputation as the Slacker President. Unfortunately, he has been working overtime ... pissing off the Pakistanis. He didn't even wait to show up in their country either. It happened during one of his pre-fab "press conferences" in front of a hand-picked audience.
The transcripts of the speech are interesting .... note the (Applause) that appears at the end of virtually each paragraph. The choreography is a sight to behold and must have put a tear to Karl's eye. Things were going swimmingly until near the end when our dear President... the man who has proven that affirmative action is alive and well in America... let loose this little brain fart:
I believe that a prosperous, democratic Pakistan will be a steadfast partner for America, a peaceful neighbor for India, and a force for freedom and moderation in the Arab world.
Up to that point he had gotten 23 applause lines.... you can see why folks stopped applauding on cue.... what Indian in his right mind is going to applaud that? Not the "peaceful neighbor" part.... the Pakistan as "a force for freedom and moderation in the Arab world" part.
This highlights another reason Bush reminds me of Mark Twain (with a tip of the hat to our own Mark Twain for finding the quote I was looking for):
His ignorance covered the whole earth like a blanket, and there was hardly a hole in it anywhere.
No wonder the Pakistanis are throwing bombs at him. The guy doesn't even know which bench they sit on! For all his hot air about allies and such, I think it is hard to dismiss the ignominy of his entry into Pakistan (late at night, lights out on the plane and all the window shades drawn). I have heard of stealing off into the night like a bandit, but stealing in... that's just degrading.
It's been said Americans learn geography based on who we are invading. What the hell has he been doing for the last 5 years? The guy still can't tell who is and who is not an Arab? Does he think everyone with a headress is an Arab? He'll hold hands with anyone in a turban? At this point, I won't be surprised if he winds up kissing Michael Jackson through a burka.
At least when his father embarrassed himself, he stuck to puking on the people in his immediate vicinity. But this is a whle new level of embarrassment. Seems like every time this guy opens his mouth he not only embarrasses himself, he reminds me of Twain, or at least of a Twain quote:
It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.
The only good thing I can say about this Terry Schiavo approach to diplomacy is that although it's painful to watch, the victim is mercifully obvlious. Some days I look at this shipwreck and am awed by my lack of imagination. I mean, even at my most pessimistic, I would never have predicted things would get this bad lest I be nominated presidunce of the tin-foil klub. Yet... here we are. At this point all that is left for him to do is appoint a horse to the senate.
Speaking of imagination. I gotta hand it to McClellan... pretending the president "mispoke" was a hoot. C'mon, we all know Bush reads from a prepared text! That's what makes this so surreal! It means someone wrote his speech, several people vetted it, and he read it! This isn't amateur hour anymore. This is like watching American Idol tryouts, except the judges are all asleep. Which reminds me of a final Twain quote:
All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.