In Ann's latest
column, she shares with us her Oscar predictions for this year. Oh, goody. From the column:
"This is my first annual Oscar predictions column, for which I am uniquely qualified by not having seen a single one of the movies nominated in any category. I've never even watched an Oscar ceremony, except once when a friend called me 35 minutes into Halle Berry's acceptance speech and I managed to catch only the last 20 minutes of it."
I know what you're thinking. Ann has made a lot of outrageous claims over the years, but this time she's gone too far. Does she really expect us to believe she has a friend?
Personally, I'm not really certain Ann exists and isn't really just some cartoon character. That's certainly the role she plays. So with that in mind, rather than writing a rebuttal to Miss Coulter, I've rewritten the lyrics to How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? With apologies to Rodgers and Hammerstein! Crossposted at the the Big Gay Picture
How Do You Solve A Problem Like Ann Coulter?
She opens her mouth and hate pours out
Her face could scare a bear
Every word she says is crass
And not one is ever fair
And underneath her helmet
She has horns within her hair
I even heard she ate a baby
She's always looking smug
And her arrogance is real
She's always so self-satisfied
Compassion she can't feel
I hate to have to say it
But I very firmly feel
Ann Coulter's not an asset to humanity
Not one will say a word in her behalf
If asked, all they do is laugh
How do you solve a problem like Ann Coulter?
How I wish she wouldn't make another sound
How do you find a word that means Ann Coulter?
A big ol'bigot! A brain-of-wisp! A clown!
Many a reason we all have to loathe her
Many a reason not to be around
Just for one is that I am gay
Can't stand to hear her bray
How I wish she wouldn't make another sound
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Ann Coulter?
How do we live with this wingnut around?
All she says is a lie
Out of focus and not true
I never know exactly why she's here
Unpredictable as weather
She's as bitchy as a Heather
She's a changeling! She's a demon! She's a scam!
She'd out-lie any liar
Put Gandhi's patience to the test
She'd flip her middle finger at the world
Anorexic and dyspeptic!
Light years past eccentric!
She's a nut! She's a loon!
She's the rights' prize baboon!
How do you solve a problem like Ann Coulter?
How do you drown her out and shut her down?
How do you find a word that means Ann Coulter?
A big ol'bigot! A brain-of-wisp! A clown!
Many a reason we all have to loathe her
Many a reason not to be around
But how do I get away
She hates me `cuz I'm gay
How I wish she wouldn't make another sound
Oh, how do you solve a problem like Ann Coulter?
How do we live with this wingnut around?