From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE...
Who the [bleep] do you think you are?
From time to time we plunder the C&J archives for poll numbers that reveal who we are as a family. Nothing dysfunctional here. Mostly...
96% think Iraq is one of the top ten worst presidential mistakes in American history.
81% are in favor of a la carte cable service.
58% got a tax refund this year. 23% owed the IRS.
84% think the color-coded terror alert system is "totally worthless." 4% think it's "very valuable."
37% would like to see the 2008 Democratic National Convention happen in New Orleans. 19% chose Denver. 10% want it in San Antonio.
When offered your pick of any cabinet position, 16% chose Interior Secretary, followed by Secretary of State (14%), Secretary of Education (13%) and Energy Secretary (10%). [Side note: Would someone please tell Pat Buchanan to stop referring to the Secretary of Defense as the "Minister of War"? Jeebus...it's 2006, not 1806.]
Thankfully, only 4% of you say that your time spent blogging has "significantly" or "moderately" affected your relationship/marriage in a negative way.
We love our Russ. Feingold/Clark is the #1-preferred Pres/Veep combo (34%), followed by Feingold/Edwards (19%) and Clark/Feingold (11%).
I'm still rootin' for Dixie Chick/Dixie Chick/Dixie Chick. Cheers and Jeers starts in There's Moreville... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Note: Not meaning to be an alarmist, but my tailor is here and we're planning our fall wardrobe. So what exactly does one wear to a war with Iran?
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By the Numbers:
Days `til Administrative Professionals Day: 1
Days left in the Bush presidency: 1,000 %$#@#&!!%$# Days
Days left if he officially declares himself king: 23,546
Decrease in U.S. deaths in 2004 from 2003: 2% (largest decline since 1938)
Life expectancy of an American born in 2004: 79.9 years
(Source TIME)
Number of copies of The Da Vinci Code sold since 2003: 40 million
Number of copies of The Danny DeVito Code sold: 0
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Your Puppy Pic of the Day: A gold star to the owner of this lovely golden retriever. (We hear he has his own AAA membership...)
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CHEERS to roots of grass. Read Tim Tagaris's take on the DNC's Spring Meeting in New Orleans:
We have every reason to be proud of the DNC this evening. The Party has come a long way in the last few months, and we have even more to build over the next few years. But one thing we know for sure, if you live in Wyoming or Ohio, Florida or Phoenix, Alaska or Alabama ... Democrats are fighting to win from the top of the ticket to the bottom. And that is something we can all get excited about as we approach the 2006 midterms.
Inside the D.C. beltway this morning, the insulated "business as usual" Democratic consultants are scurrying to their Atlases to look up Alabama, Wyoming and Alaska. (Hint: they're not in Europe.)
JEERS to bottomfeeding. More evidence that, when it comes to our leader, we really hate this guy. President Bush's approval rating in the latest CNN poll is a freezer-worthy 32 percent (down from 48% one year ago and 1,197% on September 12, 2001). Only one thing in the universe can save him now: free gas.
CHEERS to finding your voice. John Kerry takes aim at Bush and scores a hit:
It was the 35th anniversary of the day Kerry, as a young Navy veteran returning from the Mekong Delta in Vietnam, testified before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, famously asking, ''How do you ask a man to be the last man to die for a mistake?"
Kerry's case yesterday was much the same: that Americans have a duty to speak out against a war that is sacrificing lives on the ''altar of stubborn pride."
''Presidents and politicians may worry about losing face or losing votes or losing their legacy; it is time to think about young Americans and innocent civilians who are losing their lives," Kerry said, to a thunderous standing ovation.
Responded Donald Rumsfeld: "Gosh, I think it's a doggone shame Senator Kerry believes I never... Wait, tell me what they're thinking I'm not thinking about again?" Lovely man.
JEERS to the return of the coward. A new message from Osama bin Laden has been released. Seems he's lonely and would like to pursue an Italian porn star's offer to trade herself for an end to his dastardly deeds. The terrorist mastermind's exact words (translated by al Jazeera): "Ah-Oooooh-Gah!! Arf Arf!! Pant Pant!! What a dame!!" And you thought achieving world peace would be difficult.
P.S. Memo to Osama's kidneys: why don't you both take the rest of the week off?
CHEERS to genome sweet genome. On April 25, 1953, scientists identified DNA for the first time. And as this model demonstrates, they simultaneously figured out why, if one Christmas tree bulb burns out, they all burn out. Ah, science!
JEERS to the Napper-in-Chief. Could there be any more appropriate image for how the Republicans have treated the American people over the last 5½ years than Dick Cheney taking a snooze on the job? As appalled as I may be, I think I've finally---finally---found something he and I have in common.
JEERS to Passthebuck Boy Lay. At his trial yesterday, the founder of Enron blamed the following for the company's collapse: 9/11, the media, pissy investors, his mother, global warming, a bear market, bears, "those darn kids," his barber, the Chronicles of Narnia, and undercooked fish. Gee, sorry dude...if only we'd known.
CHEERS to nature over knuckleheads. Paul Rogers at Mercury News is keeping tabs on President Bush's environmental record. Bad news: we've lost some battles. Good news: he's lost a bunch of battles himself. And yesterday in the rose garden a gopher kicked him in the shin. Ya don't see that every day.
JEERS to Divine Strake. A gang of 13-year-old pyromaniacs is going to detonate a massive bomb in Nevada on June 2, a week before the YearlyKos convention in Vegas (coincidence?). Here's a little filmstrip that shows why it's a stupid idea. So...y'all still remember how to duck and cover??
CHEERS to Kodak moments. 16 years ago today, the Hubble space telescope was placed into orbit by the crew of the shuttle Discovery. Click here to view mind-blowing images of galaxies far, far away. Democrats will see the wonder of an evolving universe. Republicans will see oil and potential Christian converts.
CHEERS to moral depravity. Six years ago today, while he was still Vermont's governor, Howard Dean signed the first civil unions bill in the nation. Number of state locust-control agents that they've had to hire since then: zippo.
JEERS to double standards. Leave it to ThinkProgress to catch this:
169: Number of days that elapsed between [Washington Post reporter] Dana Priest's article on secret prisons and the firing of the supposed leaker.
1,014 and counting: Number of days that have elapsed since Valerie Plame's identity was published without anyone having been fired.
By the way, just to clear something up with our friends on the right: "Nowhere in the CIA statement last week was McCarthy accused of leaking information on the prisons, although some news accounts suggested that the CIA had made that claim." I'm sure Powerline, Rush and the other knee-jerk knuckledraggers who called for Mary McCarthy's immediate beheading will be lining up to apologize. Right after recess and nappytime.
CHEERS to great newsmen. Happy 98th birthday to Edward R. Murrow. He had more journalistic integrity in his pinky than the entire gaggle of misfits at Fox News, but chain-smoking snuffed out his life prematurely at 57. Hear excerpts of his W.W. II and McCarthy hearing reports by clicking here. Mold = Broken.
CHEERS to railing against big oil. The Downeaster commuter train, which shuttles riders from Portland to Boston and back (with several stops in between), is winning converts at a record clip. Ridership is up 35% for the quarter vs. last year, and they've had to add a car to accommodate the influx. Except for the extending footrests, no need for seat belts, booze, PC hookups and a free USA Today on every seat, I can't imagine why.
CHEERS to reading a good book. Because the most notable thing out on DVD today is 1977's Magic, starring Anthony Hopkins and a dummy. The White House says it's been useful in helping scout the qualities they're looking for in a new press secretary.
One Year Ago in C&J: April 25, 2005:
CHEERS to your Monday morning pick-me-up. Knight-Ridder published a lovely piece Saturday showing just how bogged down President Bush has become only 3 months into his second term. Says pollster John Zogby: "We're in the lame-duck period. Each day that passes, the duck gets lamer. The window [of opportunity] has passed. If he wasn't able to come off the voting [in Iraq] and turn it into more of a popular mandate, I don't know what he can do." Quack, hobble...Quack, hobble...
JEERS to irrational exuberance. Remember that little lull in insurgent violence right after the Iraq elections? Remember how the media started gushing---with tears streaming down their cheeks---about how "Bush was right! Dear God, Bush was right!" Well, according to a U.S. official in Baghdad, "Definitely, violence is getting worse". We're sure the media retractions will commence forthwith.
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And just one more...
JEERS to the buggers among us. My word, the boys and girls at the NSA are getting pretty damn brazen. All together now: "Hi, Snooperman!"
Floor's open...what are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless Testimonial:
"It's conceivable that people in Cheers and Jeers have more information about sexuality. And they're also healthier. Being better informed, and being in better shape, they may be more able to maintain a satisfying sex life."
---John DeLameter, Editor
International Journal of Sex Research
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