In part of my Saturday dairy
Get the Whiners Out of the Way of the Winners, I devised a checklist of how to lose an election.
Today, it occurred to me that perhaps it would be useful to compare and contrast the great political juggernauts of our day, the Democrats and the Republicans, to see who really has what it takes to win the "How to Lose" game.
I think you'll like losing this one.
Check out the results following the break. :)
1. Use Crazy Talk. Tough call. Dems come across as hysterical surrender monkeys. Pubs come across as crazy nuts who think they can win a nuclear war. The electorate has voted for the nuts, never for the monkeys. Dems win.
2. Have An Extreme Agenda. Democrats somehow manage to win; Republicans propose setting up a Puritan-style theocracy. Democrats somehow manage to come across as the people wanting married gay priests confiscating private property in the name of Marxism-Leninism. That at least some of you are puzzled and going "So, what's wrong with that?" is the tie-breaker.
3. Lie. Dissemble. Evade. Do so lots. The Republicans utterly trash the Dems in this event. It's not even close.
4. Cater To Your Opponent's Base. Again, a tough call. DLC Dems can't play up their cold warrior chops enough, and getting tagged for pandering by both camps, whereas Bush has managed to get himself in serious hot water by offering up guest worker status for illegal immigrants, thinking himself moderate, and getting crush from both sides of the aisle. Given the far greater damage to the Bushies than to the remnant Clintonistas, I'm going to have to say the Pubs win Round Four.
5. What You Say You'll Do, Don't. The Republicans dominate this round. They are masters of declaring victory, or announcing initiatives, then letting them die on the vine. The highlights: We'll keep America Safe. We'll Rebuild New Orleans.
6. Be A Bad Guide. Republican departure from all criteria by which sound public policy is defined.
7. Be A Pretender No matter how malicious your motives and pathetic your political chops (see above) Republicans again. They are utterly unperturbed by their manifest inability to sustain their façade of virtue and achievement, and look sillier and sorrier with each passing day.
8. Revel in the Backlash. Disregard polls. Making unpopularity into a virtue has got to be one of the most impressive PR ploys of the last ten years. Pubs win. Who needs voters, when you're king?
9. Be Feckless and Useless as An Agent of Entrenched Interests. Pubs again. The Bushies are astonishingly poor performers as agents of plutocracy; the Clintonistas are accused by many as being absolute sellouts to the corporacracy...but at least the markets went up and the dollar remained strong under their vassalage. I remain in the dark as to exactly how the Pubbies make money for their paymasters...unless they reside in a country that has profited from capital flight. Like, say, China.
10. Ignore Obvious Need To Change Yourself, or Your Game Plan Pubs, Pubs, Pubs. Stay the course. Dems have engaged in serious and substantive internal reform. The Republicans? Have seen no need to do so, save to be more openly and blatantly themselves: creatures at fundamental odds with small-d democracy itself.
11. Flout Traditions, Even If You're Cool With Them Usually, I'd say the Dems win, but the Republicans have made a sport of dismantling the constitution and the institutions set up to maintain rule of law and keep America safe. So much for conservatives being the traditionalists!
12. Battle With the Voters. Pubs. Open intimidation of the electorate and the press, increasingly frequent and shameless displays of rule by decree (the latest setting-aside of the power of the SEC to regulate investments is an astonishing event). The GOP appears to have given up on America, and is now in the business of taking as much wealth as they can, and destroying what they cannot take with them on their way out.
13. Allies are for Chumps. I'm going to have to give this one to the Democrats. Usually, a party has a commanding majority in Congress before it launches into internecine conflict, but the Democrats are nothing if not consistently feisty with one another. I attribute this to competition among designers of the next revolution.
Adding up the Score
01. Crazy Talk - Dems
02. Extreme Agenda - Dems
03. Lies - Pubs
04. Pander - Pubs
05. Abandon Promises - Pubs
06. Bad Guide - Pubs
07. Pretending to be Good Guide - Pubs
08. Disregard Public Opinion - Pubs
09. Useless to Plutocracy - Pubs
10. Refuse to Improve - Pubs
11. Disregard Tradition - Pubs
12. Blame the Voters - Pubs
13. Undercut Allies - Dems
Sorry. Republicans win the "How To Lose" Game, 10-3. Better luck next time, Democrats. :)